How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

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    Doodle



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    How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Doodle on January 23rd 2011, 2:54 pm

    http://xstage.deviantart.com/art/How-To-Be-Normal-194345683?q=gallery%3Axstage&qo=0
    HOW TO SUCCEED AT BEING A NORMAL TEENAGER:
    (In 15 easy steps!)

    1. The first step in becoming a normal, bland, and spineless individual is very simple. Never think. About anything. Ever. If you have a thought, let it go. Let someone else think for you. Thinking is hard. Let someone else do it. Save your little conformist brain cells for something less difficult.

    2. Now let's talk about music. You like unique music? Not anymore! You get to listen to the same generic, repetitive sound that everyone else does. You know, that one beat over and over with the words "Yeah", "baby" and "ooh" being repeated. Lucky you!

    3. To be normal, you've gotta dress normal. If you're a girl, that means you wear leggings as pants and cut up your t-shirts so they just barely cover your chest. Uggs are a must, for any time of the year, including midsummer. If you're a guy, you wear the hem of your pants on the back of your knees. Overly violent band t-shirts for bands that you only know one song for is highly recommended. Jerseys and shorts are the number one choice for extremely cold weather.

    4. Now that you're dressed like the little snowflake you are, it's time to talk about relationships with your parents! The next time they ask you to perform a non time-consuming chore or a small favour, be sure to throw a complete tantrum in the kitchen. Tell them how much you hate them and how they don't accept your individuality, as they can see by your intuition in fashion. Be sure to include that they don't love you and that they wish you were never born. Follow this by running to your room and slamming your door off its hinges. If they attempt to speak to you at any time after this, lay face down on your bed and scream at them through your pillow. Scream about how no one loves you and let your excessive eye makeup run down your face, too.

    5. To ensure that you're everyone's favourite person in the morning, don't ever sleep. It's recommended that you should stay up all night on Facebook chat, having the exact same conversation with nine different people. It should be going something like this:

    YOU: hey
    "FRIEND": hi
    YOU: wassup
    "FRIEND": nm, u
    YOU: nm
    "FRIEND": im bored
    YOU: same
    "FRIEND": wat r u doin
    YOU: nothing u
    "FRIEND": nothing
    YOU: lol
    "FRIEND": lol

    …And should continue this way until the wee hours in the morning. During this time, no homework should be done, and only caffeine and sugar filled foods should be consumed.

    6. If someone offers you an alcoholic drink, TAKE IT. CHUG IT DOWN. YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO LOOK LIKE A LOSER WHO DOESN'T DRINK. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. DRINK IT. DRINK IIIIIIIIIIT.

    7. Speaking of your amazing friends that are so nice to you and you to them, you must remain in contact with them at all times. They have to know everything that's happening in your life, just like you need to know theirs. Every time you start and finish a meal, update your Facebook status. Each time you borrow your mom's car to drive to someone's house to do nothing but sit on their couch for three hours, you should tweet when you left, while you drive there, when you get there, while you're there, when you leave, on your way home, and when you get home. Your phone must be in your hand, or within five inches of it at all times. You can't afford to not have it. What if you miss an important tweet? Your friend could be eating a cheeseburger and you won't know about it! YOU NEED THAT PHONE. Treat it like your child. No, treat it BETTER than your child, which you'll likely have in the next two years.
    **Important Note: Don't forget to do it while you drive!

    8. Go beat up/ridicule a gay kid. Even a kid you think is gay and really isn't. Assume that every guy in the school play and any girl not dressing like a t is gay.

    9. You must use these words/phrases a minimum of five times per minute:
    - 'Like'
    - 'Um' or 'Uh'
    - 'Ohmigod'
    - 'Literally'
    - 'Legit'
    - 'I know, right?!'
    - 'Dude'
    - A swear of some kind
    - 'THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!'
    - A misinterpretation of the word 'Irony'
    (And for those familiar with internet vernacular)
    - 'Derp' and/or 'Herp'
    - 'Fail'
    - 'FFFFFFUUUUUU'
    - 'ASDFASDFASDFASDFASDF'
    - 'WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN'
    - Sentences that begin with 'Y U NO'
    - 'UR GAY'
    - 'FIRST!'

    10. No matter how pretty, thin, and beautiful your outward appearance is, you must always dismiss yourself as "ugly", "disgusting", "hideous", etc.

    11. Interpret EVERYTHING you see and hear as sexual.

    12. You should ALWAYS expect sympathy from others no matter WHAT you do. Expect that your friends will cry and hug you when you tell them about that tragic weekend your mom took your phone away, ALL because you were caught driving drunk and having sex.

    13. The only words you read should come from a TV, a computer screen, or your phone. Reading is for losers who don't have friends to text.

    14. If you are doing poorly in any class, expect that the teacher secretly hates you. They really, really hate you. Even though you're doing awesome in that class, they give you bad grades because they are secretly trying to destroy you, and keep from you getting into the party school you want to go too, even though mommy and daddy will buy your way in there anyway. It's NEVER your fault. That teacher WANTS to see you crash and burn. Don't forget to say that to their face and to complain to all of your friends!

    15. What's that? SOMEONE IS ACTING DIFFERENTLY FROM YOU! They are assaulting your individuality with individuality of their own! They don't listen to the music you do! They're a girl, and you can't even see their bra straps! How can she hope to be respected when she's not even a d-cup?! They're a guy and you can't even see their boxers! The smell of Axe body spray isn't activating your gag reflex! You know what you must do? ATTACK! DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! How dare they act more intelligent and insightful than you, even though they are! DESTROY THEM PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY! What's this?! THEY'RE GAY TOO? NO! THAT GOES AGAINST THE RELIGION YOU SAY YOU FOLLOW BUT REALLY DON'T! NOOOOOOO!*explode*


    CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW A COMPLETELY NORMAL TEEN.

    Go cry now.
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Shade on January 23rd 2011, 3:45 pm

    Good... Good work, Joe, but just one tiny detail you forgot:

    16.) Hate the Government which is in Power. You're a teenager, assume, whoever they are, that the current government is the height of capitalism, greed, conservatism (doesn't matter which political party it is) and that the opposition party are angels, and will set right everything, and you must love the opposition party and hate the current party in power.

    Although this does conflict with the "Not thinking" bit... And is more suitable for the more... intellectual teen. You know, like Adrian Mole (who hated the government when he was a teen).

    I wish I didnt think so much... anyway, is the 16th point valid?
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Auflodern on January 23rd 2011, 5:56 pm

    'Tis sad but 'Tis true. Thank god I'm not that!
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Twixie Hushimo on January 28th 2011, 8:54 pm

    I'm not like that, and I'll never be. I pick out that pop/alternative music on the radio, and that's all.
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by karkooshy on January 29th 2011, 10:30 am

    This is an unfair stereotype. Most teenagers are not like this. In fact, I've never met such a person in my life.. and anybody like this should consider change xP


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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Doodle on January 29th 2011, 11:43 am

    karkooshy wrote:This is an unfair stereotype. Most teenagers are not like this. In fact, I've never met such a person in my life.. and anybody like this should consider change xP

    Have you ever even set foot in a public school?
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Shade on January 29th 2011, 1:29 pm

    Suspicious Bush wrote:
    karkooshy wrote:This is an unfair stereotype. Most teenagers are not like this. In fact, I've never met such a person in my life.. and anybody like this should consider change xP

    Have you ever even set foot in a public school?

    Even in public schools, I bet 50% of pupils don't follow this rule.
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by karkooshy on January 29th 2011, 3:15 pm

    Suspicious Bush wrote:
    Have you ever even set foot in a public school?


    No. But I doubt, as Sweet Mercy said, that many teenagers are like this.. >.>


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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Doodle on January 29th 2011, 3:20 pm

    karkooshy wrote:
    Suspicious Bush wrote:
    Have you ever even set foot in a public school?


    No. But I doubt, as Sweet Mercy said, that many teenagers are like this.. >.>
    You've never been to a public school, you wouldn't know.
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by The Freedom Fighter on January 30th 2011, 12:30 am

    Suspicious Bush wrote:
    karkooshy wrote:
    No. But I doubt, as Sweet Mercy said, that many teenagers are like this.. >.>
    You've never been to a public school, you wouldn't know.
    You're a bush, so either have you.
    Myself, however, I have been. And no, not even 50% are like this.

    Spoiler:
    1. The first step in becoming a normal, bland, and spineless individual is very simple. Never think. About anything. Ever. If you have a thought, let it go. Let someone else think for you. Thinking is hard. Let someone else do it. Save your little conformist brain cells for something less difficult.
    Man, this is hard. My brain never shuts up, even when I'm trying to sleep. Only when I'm sleeping can I do it. So okay, step 1 can only be done while asleep. Next.

    2. Now let's talk about music. You like unique music? Not anymore! You get to listen to the same generic, repetitive sound that everyone else does. You know, that one beat over and over with the words "Yeah", "baby" and "ooh" being repeated. Lucky you!
    Um...no. Hmm...does it count that I listened to music teenagers would listen to 40 years ago? I'm gonna say it counts.

    3. To be normal, you've gotta dress normal. If you're a guy, you wear the hem of your pants on the back of your knees. Overly violent band t-shirts for bands that you only know one song for is highly recommended. Jerseys and shorts are the number one choice for extremely cold weather.
    Hmm...no jerseys...but I got shorts covered. Mostly because it never gets cold. :P

    4. Now that you're dressed like the little snowflake you are, it's time to talk about relationships with your parents! The next time they ask you to perform a non time-consuming chore or a small favour, be sure to throw a complete tantrum in the kitchen. Tell them how much you hate them and how they don't accept your individuality, as they can see by your intuition in fashion. Be sure to include that they don't love you and that they wish you were never born. Follow this by running to your room and slamming your door off its hinges. If they attempt to speak to you at any time after this, lay face down on your bed and scream at them through your pillow. Scream about how no one loves you and let your excessive eye makeup run down your face, too.
    And...now we're pushing on emo levels. >_>

    5. To ensure that you're everyone's favourite person in the morning, don't ever sleep. It's recommended that you should stay up all night on Facebook chat, having the exact same conversation with nine different people. It should be going something like this:

    YOU: hey
    "FRIEND": hi
    YOU: wassup
    "FRIEND": nm, u
    YOU: nm
    "FRIEND": im bored
    YOU: same
    "FRIEND": wat r u doin
    YOU: nothing u
    "FRIEND": nothing
    YOU: lol
    "FRIEND": lol

    …And should continue this way until the wee hours in the morning. During this time, no homework should be done, and only caffeine and sugar filled foods should be consumed.
    Uh...well...done for the most part. >_>

    6. If someone offers you an alcoholic drink, TAKE IT. CHUG IT DOWN. YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO LOOK LIKE A LOSER WHO DOESN'T DRINK. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. DRINK IT. DRINK IIIIIIIIIIT.
    Hmm...you know, the only times I was offered alcohol was from my uncle and my dad. So...I'm confused, does that count, or do we file back to Step 4?

    7. Speaking of your amazing friends that are so nice to you and you to them, you must remain in contact with them at all times. They have to know everything that's happening in your life, just like you need to know theirs. Every time you start and finish a meal, update your Facebook status. Each time you borrow your mom's car to drive to someone's house to do nothing but sit on their couch for three hours, you should tweet when you left, while you drive there, when you get there, while you're there, when you leave, on your way home, and when you get home. Your phone must be in your hand, or within five inches of it at all times. You can't afford to not have it. What if you miss an important tweet? Your friend could be eating a cheeseburger and you won't know about it! YOU NEED THAT PHONE. Treat it like your child. No, treat it BETTER than your child, which you'll likely have in the next two years.
    **Important Note: Don't forget to do it while you drive!
    Dang, I don't have Twitter. Guess I failed...but let's go on anyway. :D

    8. Go beat up/ridicule a gay kid. Even a kid you think is gay and really isn't. Assume that every guy in the school play and any girl not dressing like a t is gay.
    Or...maybe we shouldn't. <_<

    9. You must use these words/phrases a minimum of five times per minute:
    - 'Like'
    - 'Um' or 'Uh'
    - 'Ohmigod'
    - 'Literally'
    - 'Legit'
    - 'I know, right?!'
    - 'Dude'
    - A swear of some kind
    - 'THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!'
    - A misinterpretation of the word 'Irony'
    (And for those familiar with internet vernacular)
    - 'Derp' and/or 'Herp'
    - 'Fail'
    - 'FFFFFFUUUUUU'
    - 'ASDFASDFASDFASDFASDF'
    - 'WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN'
    - Sentences that begin with 'Y U NO'
    - 'UR GAY'
    - 'FIRST!'
    I lold.

    10. No matter how pretty, thin, and beautiful your outward appearance is, you must always dismiss yourself as "ugly", "disgusting", "hideous", etc.
    Well, it is modesty.

    11. Interpret EVERYTHING you see and hear as sexual.
    But Freud said it was okay.

    12. You should ALWAYS expect sympathy from others no matter WHAT you do. Expect that your friends will cry and hug you when you tell them about that tragic weekend your mom took your phone away, ALL because you were caught driving drunk and having sex.
    Nah, too expensive.

    13. The only words you read should come from a TV, a computer screen, or your phone. Reading is for losers who don't have friends to text.
    Makes sense to me.

    14. If you are doing poorly in any class, expect that the teacher secretly hates you. They really, really hate you. Even though you're doing awesome in that class, they give you bad grades because they are secretly trying to destroy you, and keep from you getting into the party school you want to go too, even though mommy and daddy will buy your way in there anyway. It's NEVER your fault. That teacher WANTS to see you crash and burn. Don't forget to say that to their face and to complain to all of your friends!
    Okay, will do.

    15. What's that? SOMEONE IS ACTING DIFFERENTLY FROM YOU! They are assaulting your individuality with individuality of their own! They don't listen to the music you do! They're a girl, and you can't even see their bra straps! How can she hope to be respected when she's not even a d-cup?! They're a guy and you can't even see their boxers! The smell of Axe body spray isn't activating your gag reflex! You know what you must do? ATTACK! DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! How dare they act more intelligent and insightful than you, even though they are! DESTROY THEM PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY! What's this?! THEY'RE GAY TOO? NO! THAT GOES AGAINST THE RELIGION YOU SAY YOU FOLLOW BUT REALLY DON'T! NOOOOOOO!*explode*
    Um...this step exploded...so do I have to do it?

    CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW A COMPLETELY NORMAL TEEN.

    Go cry now.
    Well, I failed, but it was a fun ride. Somewhere.


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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Yioibon on February 4th 2011, 1:29 am

    Teenagers aren't normal.
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Guest on February 7th 2011, 1:42 am

    No, faith in humanity, come back!
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Doodle on February 7th 2011, 10:42 am

    Mly wrote:No, faith in humanity, come back!


    There are people that actually have faith in humanity?

    Poor, poor souls...

    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Sonic Adventure 2 on February 7th 2011, 1:43 pm

    Nice read there. That's some bona fide literature that's true and blatantly ironic (in a good way).

    And I agree, most teens are like this. The ones who aren't are often the ones who visit forums instead of chatting to their friends (like us).
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Guest on February 7th 2011, 2:27 pm

    @Joe: I'd imagine there are, but I'm not one of them. Trans-humanism is where it's at. I just said that because I assume that if I still had any, it would be robbed from me by the OP, and I figured it would get a chuckle out of a few people.
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    Re: How to succeed at being a normal Teenager

    Post by Cy-Fox on February 8th 2011, 8:57 am

    Sadly enough this all fits the general community of Paulding, Ohio. :P

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