The ancient lands.


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    Post by TrueBlue52 August 4th 2012, 12:04 pm

    This topic is for posting Jokes! Blonde jokes, yo momma jokes, Confucianisms, Helen Keller Jokes, and more!!

    Try to keep it clean.
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    Post by TrueBlue52 August 4th 2012, 12:08 pm

    Why don't Jews eat pork?
    Spoiler:

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    Post by iHawk August 4th 2012, 12:49 pm

    There are rumors that Hitler was allergic to apples, peanut butter and orangejews

    I've been waiting so long to use that
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    Post by Schnickelfritz August 4th 2012, 1:29 pm

    There's this guy, name of Joe, kinda retarded, who gets a job at a factory where they sell toothbrushes. So after his first day on the job he returns to the factory with the other two employees to tell his boss how he did.

    The boss says, "Fred, how many did you sell?
    "523!"
    "Great job, Fred. Billy, how many did you sell?"
    "647!"
    "Awesome! Joe, how many did you sell?"
    With a rather interesting sounding voice, Joe replies".....I sold.... 27."
    "Hm..."said his boss. "try to to better."

    So the next day they all returned to the factory to report to their boss again.
    Same old routine.
    "Fred, how many did you sell?"
    "786!"
    "Great! Billy, you?"
    "I sold 694."
    "Well done. Joe?"
    "I sold.... 11." Again, in the funny voice.

    His boss pulled him over. "You know, Joe, you need to get better at selling these things or else you're gonna get fired." Joe nodded.

    The next day they all returned. "So, Fred, how many?"
    "986!"
    "Wow, that's better than both of your last days! Billy?"
    "927!"
    "Again, great job! Joe?"
    Joe turned to him and said "I sold...... 2,864."
    ".........what? How did you manage that, Joe?!"
    "Well," said Joe, "It was simple. I go out and I set up a stand with free chips and dip. And people walk up and I say 'free chips adnd dip' and they take some, and they're like 'wow, that tastes like shit', I said 'that's what it its, wanna buy a toothbrush?'"
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    Post by PaytonBree August 4th 2012, 1:58 pm

    What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you die?


    Your ass..
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    Post by Alex The Hedgehog August 4th 2012, 2:02 pm

    knock! knock!

    who's there?

    Bacon.

    Bacon who?

    Bacon you a pizza pie!
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    Post by Nnoitra Hushimo August 4th 2012, 2:37 pm

    Chuck Norris can sneeze in 13 different languages.
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    Post by Jmh August 4th 2012, 3:34 pm

    What killed the dinosaurs? The ice age!
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    Post by Nnoitra Hushimo August 4th 2012, 3:43 pm

    Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
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    Post by AshuraSenku August 4th 2012, 4:23 pm

    Are you as bored as I am?

    Now read that backwards.
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    Post by TrueBlue52 August 4th 2012, 4:36 pm

    Jokes Sonic-the-hedgehog-joke-book-7
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    Post by Moran August 4th 2012, 8:39 pm

    The end of all worlds had come. The souls of the mortal realms themselves were ripped away by Vantain Mlydium XI. In the moments that all existence rotted away and the smaller souls died out, Mlydium flopped boredly back onto his throne at the left side of Godking Ulmecix. All creation being uncreated, the souls of the mortals flooded into the gates of The Incorruptible Realm. Godking Ulmecix stood to speak to the endless creations if his make.

    "Mortals, the end of all that you know has come," he said. "You have three choices of where your soul may live 'til it has fully decayed to become nothing at all, for the latter times of this creation, 'fore creation is created again."

    Vantain Mlydium and, on the opposite side of Godking Ulmecix, Saekh Tsirinai, stood. The first to speak of his realm was Ulmecix.

    "You may come to my realm. It is much like the mortal realms, minus more conventional mortality. Your soul will eventually fade away, but that is a great while off," said Ulmecix. "It holds strife, daily troubles of varying flavor, though never too great or many. It does not fit your petty preconceptions of perfection as a place without strife, but ultimately, it is." As his words rang out, visions of his realm, of its splendor, beauty, and chaos flashed through the thoughts of all mortal souls.

    Next to speak was Tsirinai. His description was more vivid, and the visions that flashed through the mortal souls' thoughts were much more ... terrifying. "You may make home in my realm, whose only assurance is agony. Agony that will temper you, and give you the chance to live as a god of the next creation. However, ... nothing is worse than my realm."

    And last, was Mlydium. Still enraptured in nibbling on the souls of the worlds whose physical shape had rotted away, he stopped for a moment. After much smacking of his lips and swallowing down what he still had in his maw, he muttered, "nothing," only to continue eating.
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    Post by TrueBlue52 August 4th 2012, 9:51 pm

    Mly wrote:Mlydium flopped boredly back onto his throne

    Mly's throne:
    Jokes Toilet-throne
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    Post by TrueBlue52 August 4th 2012, 10:49 pm

    Jokes Knucklesn
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    Post by sykog August 5th 2012, 4:32 am

    icetech5201
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    Post by Moran August 5th 2012, 4:36 am

    Whatastory Mk. II, syk.
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    Post by Jmh August 5th 2012, 2:07 pm


    See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!
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    Post by TrueBlue52 August 5th 2012, 2:25 pm

    A blonde, brunette, and redhead were standing on the edge of the pool ready for the 100 yard breast stroke race.

    The starter shot the pistol and the three dove into the water and began swimming.

    A few minutes later, the brunette finished and jumped out of the water. Next came the redhead.

    About twenty minutes later, the blonde emerged.

    They awarded the gold to the brunette, the silver to the redhead, and the bronze to the blonde.

    As they placed the medal around her neck, the blonde said aloud,
    "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think the other two used their arms."
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    Post by Alex The Hedgehog August 8th 2012, 10:15 am

    what do you call a dog that works at the bank?

    A Loan Wolf.
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    Post by TrueBlue52 August 8th 2012, 4:31 pm

    Confucius Say
    The best way to keep your word is not to give it.

    Confucius Say
    Man who pamper his cow, will get spoiled milk

    Confucius Say
    Woman who dates gambler, gets cheated on.

    Confucius Say
    If a soda can goes to college, it will take "fizz ed".

    Confucius Say
    Just because men have one, doesn't mean they have to be one.

    Confucius Say
    A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

    Confucius Say
    Banker who sits in freezer, will have frozen assets.

    Confucius say,
    An "egghead" is what Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

    Confucius Say...
    "Man who smoke pot, choke on handle."

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