The Rant Show! With Sketchelfritz

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    The Rant Show! With Sketchelfritz

    Post by Sketch Style on November 21st 2012, 6:42 pm

    GREETINGS! From Sketchy and Schnicky comes "The Rant Show" TONIGHT! Prepare your guts, your brains, and your underwear as we legends of ranting, RANT YOUR EARS(or technically eyes since you're reading ._.) off.



    Tonight on the rant show!

    A new bowl, featuring Sketchy.

    Ugh, dishes, dishes, dishes!

    My god do I hate doing dishes. Wonder why? I'm glad you asked!

    I have this problem because the dishwasher isn't a solution, I even have problems with that as well! Man I'm sick of people not rinsing their dishes. Why do I have to reach in and grab your used bowl covered with 5-day-old chili residue, that stinks like my brother's farts! I can't stand that.

    I also can't stand tub 'o ware! I hate old glad ware that sits with some smelly shit that just collects within that container. I open that shit up, and its like I opened up a manhole! That stuff is wretched. I wih they'd let it breathe so I don't have to experience a dragon's bad breath.

    Then its worse when it all stacks, I mean, I'm not a fucking machine! Do some of that yourself! I shouldn't have to wash that all! I see that you have arms and legs that aren't broken, and you surer as hell don't have palzy! I'm not the fuckin' maid, I shouldn't be the go to guy for dirty dishes. I swear I get bullcrap for not washing a bowl, its just bullshit!

    Dishwashers make me hate the laws of physics. Why the (#^& does everything on God's green earth BOUNCE!? I drop a spoon in the slot, and it bounces onto the floor. I stick a plastic lid in, and then it goes flying. WHY DOES STUFF BOUNCE? When did everything become coated in rubber? Am I just insane? God it's a pain when everything bounces the wrong way. Its like a fair catch the bounces on the 1 yard line, and stops, and doesn't bounce into the end-zone for a touchback. ITS SO FRUSTRATING! I hate when some item are full of liquids, and I don't know it, because then I get shit all over me, and I don't make me feel like panzies and roses in the slightest. This shit makes me boil more than my coffee.

    Why the hell has Rosie not been made yet? Can we not have robotic maids to take care of that? I've got other shit to take care of, than worry about a bowl full of cemented cereal. And women have this way of not getting this crap. They do this shit like they're professional, and yet I'm not supposed to stereotype them. How can you not be a stereotype if you can do dishes like a boss? I rest my case. Dishes are bullshit, and I'd rather play Sonic '06 than do that.
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    Re: The Rant Show! With Sketchelfritz

    Post by Schnickelfritz on November 21st 2012, 6:54 pm

    Don't even get me started on using the sink, son. You got these two tubs in the sink, right? One's for putting dem dryin' shit in, and one's for putting dem dirty shit in, right? Even if you don't have idiotic family members, this system can still be more annoying than a small piece of ricotta stuck between your molars. For one thing, when you've got a various assortment of lids, pots, pans, and silverware in the drying tub, they still stay wet! They're not even sort of dry! And if you've got anything that has any sort of angle to it (which most things you need to use the sink for do), if you turn the water on it'll somehow manage to ricochet not only the water itself but whatever nasty crap is covering the dishes EVERY DAMN TIME.

    And then there's the soap. I mean really. Is that stuff supposed to smell like a dog's anus that's been dipped in ... I don't know, more anus? Because it does. And then your dishes smell like that. And then your food smells like that. And then you smell like that. Awesome. Not to mention it comes out in obnoxious little spurts that are between the proper amounts to use, and the fact that its color always manages to somehow stain your dishes. And it takes a good 5 gallons of water to actually work. No. Just, no.
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    Re: The Rant Show! With Sketchelfritz

    Post by Sketch Style on November 21st 2012, 7:00 pm

    Man that shits just crazy. Why are there so many soaps? I mean foam, liquid, and extra HD 3D super clean 64 soap. Who needs it? God I hate that soap gwets every where and it doesn't make the dishes smell clean either, it just makes you smell like a dog's anus. They might as well make you wash it with limburger. It'll stink, but hey it'll add good taste to your food! Right?

    I hate dishes that are aimed where as soon as you turn the faucet on, you might as well be a damn target. You end up looking like someone squirted you with their penis. Its bullshit! And its not like the dishes look any cleaner; those frakin stains make me think it still needs to be washed, I might as well go to the store and buy a new damn set, than look like I'm eating chicken noodle soup, with shit! And the soap products lie! I think I'll just wash the dishes with my DOG'S ANUS!
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    Re: The Rant Show! With Sketchelfritz

    Post by Schnickelfritz on November 21st 2012, 7:02 pm

    I think we've beaten this horse.

    Final Verdict: Dishes suck. Leave that shit to the machines or women that know how that crap works. I'll stick to washing clothes. WITH MY GODDAMN WASHING MACHINE.

    also, *Lindberger
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    Re: The Rant Show! With Sketchelfritz

    Post by Sketch Style on November 21st 2012, 7:05 pm

    Schnickelfritz wrote:I think we've beaten this horse.

    Final Verdict: Dishes suck. Leave that shit to the machines or women that know how that crap works. I'll stick to washing clothes. WITH MY GODDAMN WASHING MACHINE.

    also, *Lindberger

    Agreed. Also, my apologies, the spelling escaped me at the time. I might as well rant about THAT! AH! Um, nevermind.
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    Re: The Rant Show! With Sketchelfritz

    Post by Sketch Style on November 22nd 2012, 9:27 pm

    Sorry for no show tonight, folks. We have some Thanksgiving dinners to attend to, and we shall rant about being fat tomorrow(maybe...). Anyways, I hope you have a RANTING Thankgiving and a RAGEFUL night. Take FUCKING care folks!
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    TONIGHT!

    Post by Sketch Style on November 26th 2012, 7:07 pm

    AAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND we're BACK! Ladies and Gentlemen! I hope you all enjoyed those 15 extra pounds the weekend gave ya. You ought to head over to Britian, you could get yourself somethin' nice! *rimshot*

    Heh heh heh, but anyway, it's me, your smokin', red hot host; SKEEEEEEETCH STYYYYYLLLLLE!

    And TONIGHT! On the RANT show, we have:

    Sketch Style! in The Christmas Chore Blues.

    ---

    Thanksgiving passed way too soon. I ate sooo fucking much, I still believe my dessert hasn't even passed yet. So that means its Christmas time, the most wonderful time of the year! Right? Noooot at first, it ain't. Level with me. Everyone makes this huge fuss over black friday. Oh thats right, the friday that occurs after you spend a ton of money on food to celebrate being thankful. So you then turn around, and break your piggy banks, and knock over violent citizens, fighting for your life, to get that last flat screen TV.

    America, everybody, what a GREAT country.

    Frankly, I ignore it. I'd rather spend an extra 100 dollars on smaller sales, than spend thousands more ON HOSPITAL BILLS! Good lord, but thats not even what I'm gonna RAEG about.

    No, what I'm gonna RAEG about, is the stupid shit you have to do to get in the mood for Christmas. So first off, I live in Florida, so basements don't exist here. So that means I have to get out the ladder, and help my dad get some lights, trees, and decorations from the attic, and ain't that a pain. Its such a stress! I'm always bonking my head, or losing my grip on shit, and that makes getting shit out for X-mas STRESSFUL! So the first thing is setting up the tree. Now we don't do authentic trees anymore, especially since the people who had good trees don't sell them, and fake trees are convenient. So setting up the tree isn't too bad, except for the fact that the Star doesn't want to stay up, and the ornaments never co-operate! God, and if getting tangled in lights ain't enough, God forbid a little kid gets reckless. So getting the tree up is less annoying than PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!

    Good Lord I hate the design of my house sometimes. There's no flat area, so, being afraid of heights, they stick me up on the roof, where I'm ready to shit my pants because my feet KEEP SLIPPING. I have no fucking grip, I might as well cover the whole damn yard in jello, so I don't slip and fall to my death because of FUCKING CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. So now, we have fancy looking lights. My parents broke down, and got these bulky icicles to put up, and already these things are a PAIN. I can handle generic lights, because I have room to work with. I can throw them all over the place, sorta, and have a ton of lights, so theres room for extra. These big, bulky, icicles? Oh HELL naw. I have to be careful. which makes putting up lights a hell of a lot more FRUSTRATING. It ain't easy because my house is tall, and steep, along with a load of bushes in the fucking may of a ladder spot. I have to carefully set these up, and I can't throw them, so I can't make room, so......I'm FUCKED. I might as well get to the peak of the garage, and dive, because I'm ready to throw the lights, rather than set them up! Now, I know it's all going to look good in the end, but I'd rather just leave them in the attic. Or, I'll take the redneck route, and just leave them. That way, when next year comes around, I can set everything out, and then turn the lights on so I'm not a party pooper.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to enjoy not shoveling the snow.

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