Definition of "A True Sonic Fan" :
-- Has only played Sonic games that were associated with the Genesis/Mega Drive.
-- Hates any Sonic character not in those games.
-- Hates any Sonic game that isn't those games.
-- Believes SatAM Sonic to be the greatest animated program of all time.
-- Places Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog a distant second, because "Sonic Says" so.
-- Hates Shadow for being like Knuckles.
-- Hates Knuckles for being like Shadow, but gives him a pass because he was in one of those Genesis/Mega Drive era games.
-- Calls Dr. Robotnik "Dr. Robotnik", and not Dr. Eggman.
-- Hates Sonic for being in those Sonic Adventure games.
-- Hates all Sonic characters for being in those Sonic Adventure games.
-- Agrees that any Sonic game ever made in the future will be a piece of crap that could never be anywhere near as fun as the Genesis-era Sonic games.
-- ...even if it's a remake or port of one of the original Genesis-era Sonic games.
-- Hates Silver for taking the spotlight away from Sonic in Sonic 2006.
-- Hates Sonic for being IN Sonic 2006.
-- Does not acknowledge that a Sonic game was actually released in 2006.
-- Despises everyone involved in the creation of the anime series, Sonic X.
-- Hates Sonic for being in Sonic X.
-- Does not want to find the computer room.
-- Spends at least 1 hour a day playing Sonic Spinball.
-- Knows Sonic 3D Blast is better than Sonic Adventure, because 3D Blast was released on the Genesis/Mega Drive.
-- Hates Sonic for looking too much like Shadow.
-- Knows Sonic 3D Blast is a horrible horrible piece of crap and will not admit to being able to play it for over 10 minutes.
-- Has a basement freezer full of chili dogs.
-- Searches Google every night to find places online where people are talking about Sonic, and joins the conversation to tell them all how crappy all the Sonic games are today.
-- ...even if they're talking about hamburgers from Sonic, America's Drive-In.
-- ...and when told that, will get into a discussion about how they should sell chili dogs there, without knowing if they actually do or not..
-- Hates Sonic for being in Sonic games.
-- Knows Japanese Sonic fans are all posers because they all call Dr. Robotnik "Dr. Eggman".
-- Eats a can of 15 year old Sonic the Hedgehog Pasta every day for lunch.
-- Will never watch any tv show and/or movie even indirectly related to Melissa Joan Hart, since she is the most horrible Sonic player in the history of the universe.
-- Plays Sonic 3D Blast for at least 45 minutes every day, between playing Sonic 2 and Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine.
-- Acknowledges the existence of Sonic Underground only because it continues with the unused idea from prior to the completion of Sonic 1, that Sonic originally was to be part of a rock band.
-- Hates Sonic for being Sonic.
...
...
The only person who follows all of these criteria, and as such is the lone "True Sonic Fan" on the face of the earth, is a 34 year old man living in his parent's basement, in a rural town in southern Wyoming, named Jack "Super Sonic" Smith.
Feel free to add to the list what you may know or have heard about "True Sonic Fans"!
(and geez I hope this is funny, because I thought it was when I was making it
-- Has only played Sonic games that were associated with the Genesis/Mega Drive.
-- Hates any Sonic character not in those games.
-- Hates any Sonic game that isn't those games.
-- Believes SatAM Sonic to be the greatest animated program of all time.
-- Places Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog a distant second, because "Sonic Says" so.
-- Hates Shadow for being like Knuckles.
-- Hates Knuckles for being like Shadow, but gives him a pass because he was in one of those Genesis/Mega Drive era games.
-- Calls Dr. Robotnik "Dr. Robotnik", and not Dr. Eggman.
-- Hates Sonic for being in those Sonic Adventure games.
-- Hates all Sonic characters for being in those Sonic Adventure games.
-- Agrees that any Sonic game ever made in the future will be a piece of crap that could never be anywhere near as fun as the Genesis-era Sonic games.
-- ...even if it's a remake or port of one of the original Genesis-era Sonic games.
-- Hates Silver for taking the spotlight away from Sonic in Sonic 2006.
-- Hates Sonic for being IN Sonic 2006.
-- Does not acknowledge that a Sonic game was actually released in 2006.
-- Despises everyone involved in the creation of the anime series, Sonic X.
-- Hates Sonic for being in Sonic X.
-- Does not want to find the computer room.
-- Spends at least 1 hour a day playing Sonic Spinball.
-- Knows Sonic 3D Blast is better than Sonic Adventure, because 3D Blast was released on the Genesis/Mega Drive.
-- Hates Sonic for looking too much like Shadow.
-- Knows Sonic 3D Blast is a horrible horrible piece of crap and will not admit to being able to play it for over 10 minutes.
-- Has a basement freezer full of chili dogs.
-- Searches Google every night to find places online where people are talking about Sonic, and joins the conversation to tell them all how crappy all the Sonic games are today.
-- ...even if they're talking about hamburgers from Sonic, America's Drive-In.
-- ...and when told that, will get into a discussion about how they should sell chili dogs there, without knowing if they actually do or not..
-- Hates Sonic for being in Sonic games.
-- Knows Japanese Sonic fans are all posers because they all call Dr. Robotnik "Dr. Eggman".
-- Eats a can of 15 year old Sonic the Hedgehog Pasta every day for lunch.
-- Will never watch any tv show and/or movie even indirectly related to Melissa Joan Hart, since she is the most horrible Sonic player in the history of the universe.
-- Plays Sonic 3D Blast for at least 45 minutes every day, between playing Sonic 2 and Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine.
-- Acknowledges the existence of Sonic Underground only because it continues with the unused idea from prior to the completion of Sonic 1, that Sonic originally was to be part of a rock band.
-- Hates Sonic for being Sonic.
...
...
The only person who follows all of these criteria, and as such is the lone "True Sonic Fan" on the face of the earth, is a 34 year old man living in his parent's basement, in a rural town in southern Wyoming, named Jack "Super Sonic" Smith.
Feel free to add to the list what you may know or have heard about "True Sonic Fans"!
(and geez I hope this is funny, because I thought it was when I was making it
