Cosmo The Untold Story

Okay so I'm making a fan story heres the first two chapters.

Cosmo The Untold Story

Chapter 1
Enter Cosmo's Life
We all know Cosmo and what she had done to save the universe. But did you ever wonder what Cosmo's life was like when she was living on Seedrain Space Colony with her clan? Well now your about to find out.

Chapter 2
Galaxina
"Cosmo"! "Cosmo"! "wake up"! Said a clam voice. Right then Cosmo opened her eyes. "Hi Galaxina! Cosmo Said. Can we visit mother"? "Not right now Cosmo...Where being attacked by the Metarex". Galaxina said. "Don't they ever give up"? Cosmo asked. "I'm afraid not... Cosmo stay here"! Galaxina ordered. Then Galaxina left.

Cosmo then went to her pillow and took out her dairy. She wrote Day 2,920 the Metarex are attacking us. Galaxina said she is afraid this war will never end. Right then Cosmo heard a scream "No I wont let you take her"! "your an idiot Galaxina. I can take your life easily"! Right then Cosmo ran out of her room. "Leave Galaxina alone"! Cosmo Cried. Galaxina then garbed Cosmo and started running. She ran into the room where Cosmo and Galaxina's Mother was Hertia. "Ill be right back Cosmo. Stay here with Mother". Galaxina said. "No my children stay with me." Hertia said.

Thats the end of chapter 2. The next chapter is chapter 3 Spending Time With Mother.

Tell me what I should improve.

Chapter 3
Spending Time With Mother

"Mother- I can't stay- I have to go out and fight." Galaxina said. "No Galaxina this war is getting to dangerous." Hertia said. "I'm sorry but I have to go the others need me. I'm one of the best fighters." "No Galaxina mother is right...if anything happens to you....." Cosmo's voice trailed off. "Fine I won't go out and fight." Galaxina said. "Thank you." Cosmo and Hertia said at the same time. "Hertia the Metarex left." A seedrain said. "How many were killed"? Hertia asked. "14 killed 6 injured." The seedrain said. "come on Cosmo. I think mother would like to be alone." Galaxina said. "Bye mother." Cosmo said.

Next chapter Going To The Metarex Base.

Your story's good, but perhaps you could make the individual chapters a little longer.

Otherwise, very good work, and well done!

Okay. I always make short chapters. Ill try to make it longer.

Cosmo The Seedrian wrote:Okay. I always make short chapters. Ill try to make it longer.

Cool. It's still good; there's just a little room for improvement, that's all.