The Random Hotel

I vote Mly to win.

Silence, mortal! [uses Sykog as a large bullet, launching him at Kriegsmarine at the speed of light, which almost completely obliterates both of them, and creates a pressure explosion twelve times the size of the sun, killing all of Kriegsmarine's nearby troops.]

I'm a Bullet Bill^_^

*in last dying words*

Im am just a clone and there are billions more across the globe

So, a clone, eh?

...

...

...

[Mly bends over on Kriegsmarine, slowly pulling his pants down and (SCENE MISSING). She emerges with a bag full of liquid.]

Well, this should be good enough to program a FOXDIE virus strain to kill people with your genetic code, if need be.

*meanwhile*

"time to rename the gentic codes. send the current clones as our grunts and use Jango fett's genes."

Aw, damn it, I can feel his juices crusted up on the roof of my mouth.

Oh, whatever. [magically morphs into a man.]

Um...Anybody got a spare set of clothes?

I'm back... fuk.

Welcome back the the warzone hotel.

Hey all.

Hello, may I take your order?

Eh, I'm not really hungry.

Herp a derp.

Myes, indeed. And I would like to add the following: HURRR.

You forgot DURRR.

Fool.

"Pretzel party at Jack's house!"

*from HQ on a distant planet*

"blow em up!"

*earth blows up*

Meanwhile, in a small room overlooking the cannon core in the MSS Compensating For Something, Mly's massive phallic super-battleship, docked in the atmosphere of Uranus...

CFS Central Computer: Mly, Sol-3 has been destroyed.
Mly: Why do I care again?
CFSCP: Earth. You know, that place with all the humans.
Mly: Exactly. So why do I care?
CFSCP: The one that makes all those good video games?
Mly: ... [whimper]
CFSCP: ...Mly?
Mly: God fg damn it! I just had to put off buying Chrono Trigger 'til tomorrow, didn't I!? God fg damn it! Now I'll never have it! Who the f blew it up!? I want revenge!

[A 12-dimensional map of the universe appears in front of Mly, and zooms in on a single planet.]

CFSCP: The signal seemed to have come from here, Mly.
Mly: Damn, that's half way across the ultimacluster!
CFSCP: It would take a few days to get there the old-fashioned way. And they're heavily defended, so warplighting in won't do much good, even if you could get there in a thousandth of the time. You'd definitely need a battleship like this one, or stronger, to stop their operation.
Mly: Fine. What's the travel time estimate?
CFSCP: Well, if we were to go in a straight line through all obstacles, it would take about twelve space days, but that's completely undoable. We'd have to plot courses around stars, black holes, and various other things. Over smaller distances, such as, say, traveling across this galaxy, this would likely not even double the trip time, but--
Mly: How long, Child Porn?
CFSCP: ...I don't follow your logic in calling me Child Porn, sir.
Mly: Central Computer. It abbreviates to CP. Guess what else abbreviates to CP? Regardles, how long, Child Porn?
CFSCP: Erm... About twenty Vartuc Standard Years, sir.
Mly: My Vartuc measurement knowledge is a bit disused and rusty. How many human years is that, again?
CFSCP: Well, ehm...
Mly: Spit it out, Child Porn.
CFSCP: Well, sir...about 190.
Mly: [sighs, lights a ge] Well, the journey would be a lot easier to bear if I had the endless replay value of Chrono Trigger, but I'll have to do without. Let's go, Child Porn.

*stand by Ion control!*

*FIRE!*

"move the fleet into alpha centauri!"

*fire!*

*hyperspace in 3...2...1 launch!*

"all fleet captains! Head to secondary HQ!"


"time to play the last ever surving copy of chrono trigger! hehehehehe"

CFSCP: Sir, a massive movement was detected coming from the targeted planet. Everything seems to have moved to Alpha Centauri.
Mly: Hm. They seem to want us to come to them. Whatever. Warp to Alpha Centauri and fire the frontal cannon as soon as we get there.
CFSCP: Sir, the cannons need time to be charged. And due to a bad plot device that disables us from kicking a too badly for no rea--I mean, an engineering error, the cannons can't be charged or hold their charge while in warp.
Mly: Damn it. Well, warp in, release all navy on defense duty, and begin charging the frontal cannon then. Hopefully we'll be able to take it. Oh, also, beam down all of our free army to their major cities, for a more personal attack.

Captain Kritz:sir enemy fleet approaching!

Admiral A-Kira:fire Ion cannon at the approaching capital ships!

*Ion cannon Fire!*

*capital ship disabled! Locking....Lock on!*

This is the end of the beginning.

Pianta wrote:This is the end of the beginning.

This is the end of the end

Kriegsmarine wrote:Captain Kritz:sir enemy fleet approaching!

Admiral A-Kira:fire Ion cannon at the approaching capital ships!

*Ion cannon Fire!*

*capital ship disabled! Locking....Lock on!*

Mly: fg Christ...Beam me down to their leader.
CFSCP: But, sir, the plot holes: we don't know who their leader is.
Mly: Plot holes be damned! Make up some stupid plot workaround and throw in a rape scene with me and some hot hermaphrodite Vartuc to make up for the added stupidity of the plot!
CFSCP: Very well, sir.

[Mly turns into a ball of light and slowly fades away.]

(Moments later, on the planet surface...)

[a ball of light appears, then congeals into Mly's form.]

Mly: Why, hello there. [lights a ge, turning the spinning chair with a man in it around to face him, then holding out the pack in offering.] Want one, before you die?