Fanfiction: Time Crawls When You're Not Detecting

Mwee hee hee! T'is my first in-progress fanfiction for the Chaotix lads! Here are some interesting facts about it;

-This story will be rubbish, because God knows the only stories I can get to top standard are ones where I get turned into a Sonic-style cat after travelling through a portal in the school hall and nearly getting...uh...that bad thing...by Knuckles (no really, that got me 25/27 for imaginative writing at GCSE. The...element was recommended by my teacher to get it higher marks...didn't tell her the character named as 'host' was a kid's character).
-This story will feature Charmy for two lines in chapter 1, while getting a bigger role in the brief chapter 2 before leaving for the majority of the rest of the story.
-This story is a friendship genre story, no love involved. Although you may infer ho-yay if you really want to...

Anyway; some technical crud before we enter the actual first chapter of the story;

-Everyone with an established age is two years older (e.g. Sonic would be 17, Tails would be 10 etc, if they even made an appearance [which they don't]). However, this story does NOT consider Sonic Chronicles to be of canonicity, thus no reference to any events that should be running concurrently are made.
-Fang, Mighty and Ray also appear in the story briefly. For the purposes of information discussed in chapter 2, Mighty is 15 and Ray is 11.
-There's no significant change between the status quo of the games and the status quo here. The world hasn't been blown up in a dark magical apocalypse, yet!
-As crap as this story will be, I don't mind any questions on what you've just read.


Okay, so let's grab onto our brain bleach and jump in!

Time Crawls When You're Not Detecting

Chapter 1; Temporary Dismissal

For a while, G.U.N had assumed that their heroes and not so heroes simply did what they did because they enjoyed it more than anything else. Why else would Knuckles keep guarding the Master Emerald, or Fang keep taking in payments for mercenary work? One day, the Commander has an idea; what if they did a social experiment on those who were supposedly bound to their task by agreement, contract or duty? They’d be able to see who functioned with the job and without the job and send their findings to the President. ‘It’s brilliant!’ he thought. ‘Then we could order our men to contact the ones most likely to be stuck to their job to do our dirty work! The military would save millions on troop deployment, equipment and supplies! It’s the least those furry cretins owe us after all their criminal damage done trying to stop Doctor Eggman…’

So, within the next few weeks, various characters were contacted in order to be the guinea pigs for the experiment. They decided to get those who could possibly be of value to the military with their knowledge and skills, thus the following were chosen;
-Their own team Dark, to act as the control for the experiment.
-Knuckles the Echidna, the cunning, if somewhat gullible, guardian who was passed on his duty by his ancestors.
-The Chaotix Detective Agency, three rag-tag snoops who’d do any job within the law as long as the pay was good. Extra kudos for one of them being a ninja, of all things.
-Fang the Sniper, like above, only without the lawful stipulation.
-Blaze the Cat, a princess who was staying over in this world for a while with Silver. She’s also a princess of her people.

With the test subjects sorted, they were called into the G.U.N headquarters. “Now, you all know why you’re here, don’t you?” The Commander addressed the group as he brought a presentation onto view on a large screen. “Is it for counting fractions, sir?” Charmy asked as he stared at the various pie charts on the screen. The rest of them looked at him, while Vector and Espio turned their heads to mumble to themselves about how he should really keep his gob shut. Fang had to break the awkward moment, remarking “It was t’do some weird experiment jazz for yer, right?” ”Exactly. G.U.N wants you to partake in a little experiment; for two weeks, you will be relieved of your work and be forced to spend time off. We will send in replacements to do your jobs while you are on this break. We will also provide unlimited funding for your two weeks, so you will be completely financially secure.”

Vector had to fight to stifle a yell of joy, while Knuckles glared firmly at Rouge. “How do you know some of us won’t go spending it on…ahem…frivolities?” The Commander gave an understanding nod. “While there is unlimited funding, there will be prohibitions on what some of you may purchase. For a start, none of you will be allowed to buy pure gemstones or guns, for post-period security reasons”. Shadow smirked at the acknowledgement of his obsession. “Aside from that, Knuckles, you are restricted from purchasing or possessing anything related to Echidna lore. Espio, you are prohibited from purchasing or possessing anything related to Ninjutsu. Blaze, you are prohibited from purchasing or possessing anything related to sovereignty. Furthermore, you are all prohibited from formal meditation.” Espio cleared his throat and spoke up, quite irritated at that. “I don’t understand! Surely I was being dismissed solely from my job as a detective?” “The experiment entails being dismissed from all contracts, Espio. When you dedicated yourself to practising Ninjutsu, you had to agree to certain conditions of application, did you not? You may hone your skills separately to your official career, but it is a duty, nonetheless”. Espio simply sighed at this circular reasoning and lowered his head. This was going to be a long two weeks, whether he didn’t want to be there…or not.

Whee, t'is the next chapter! Like I said, it's rather short, but it's mainly just a transition into the main bulk of the story. After this, no other Sonic characters aside from the two left are seen until near the end...so definitely not a story for those who like seeing the main characters, as you may have guessed!

But enough talking, here's;



Chapter 2; Charmy The Courier

Espio felt rather disappointed, back at the office. He was being forced to pack his weapons and tools in order to fulfil the experiment condition, which he certainly was displeased to find out about. At least they were being paid a good sum to do this experiment, or he’d be having a few fierce words at the Commander. Nonetheless, he was stuck having to abstain from his practice, while having to endure Vector and Charmy for the whole duration of the two weeks. That was what he thought, anyway.

Mighty and Ray approached the office door. Charmy flew out to greet them, while Espio slowly followed and Vector remained in the doorway. “Hiya guys!” Charmy buzzed with an enthusiasm that surpassed any enthusiasm he had usually. “Hey there, Charmy!” Ray replied back. “You been good for the last few weeks? We haven’t seen you for ages!” Mighty also chipped in. “Yeah, and we heard that you wanted some work to do for the next two weeks. What gives?” Charmy explained the whole situation to them, about how he was undertaking an experiment of no job for two weeks, and felt that he would have been bored with just hanging around with Vector and Espio, who he affectionately called ‘the dozy duo’, for the entire time. Mighty had apparently offered to let Charmy, who also worked at his newly formed Lavender Courier Service, stay and work with him and Ray for the entire fortnight.

Vector, quite obviously was not pleased about this. “W-What?! Hey, the experiment said not to do jobs, you scatterbrained imp!” Charmy simply gave him a cheeky smirk and swung his legs in giddiness. “The experiment said we couldn’t do jobs that were contracted, like this job as a detective. To get a proper job, however, your boss needs to be older than sixteen. As it is, working with Mighty and Ray is simply a fun little play thing in the eyes of the legal system, so I can do it whenever I want for the two weeks.” He then flew back inside, and came back out with a small shoulder bag with a few snacks and papers inside. He, Mighty and Ray then began heading away from the office. Charmy turned around and gave one last grin, while calling “See you two in two weeks!” to his colleagues. Vector and Espio just stood there for a few moments after they had disappeared from sight, before slowly trundling into the office.

It's only been three chapters without the two weeks even starting, and Espio's already losing his marbles! I daren't suggest he may get better, any time soon!

Basically, the light chapter are now out the window, and from hereon in is nothing but the exploits of two struggling reptiles from day to day for the next two weeks. Since I usually update one chapter a day, that may be close to real time...

So, without further ado, this is;



Chapter 3; Technical Problems Already!


After the shock of being swindled by Charmy, of all people, Espio resumed the packing of his Ninjutsu equipment in time for the start of the experiment, which was the next morning. As he was moving one of the last boxes out of the building, he noticed that Vector was consumed reading one of his various Holmes novels. “Aren’t you supposed to be packing that, Vector” he asked, annoyed that Vector wasn’t doing anything to help get things ready. “It ain’t being packed, Espio. It don’t count since it don’t help us solve any cases” he replied. ‘Somehow, it feels like those G.U.N soldiers are really out to get me…’ Espio thought as he went to the kitchen to check up on food stock. When he got there, however, he got another shock; the G.U.N soldiers had apparently removed all of their proper food, and there were only snacks left!

Espio read out the note that was left by the soldiers, aloud through gritted teeth. “Chaotix, as much as it pains me to inform you of this, we have made the decision to remove all cooking foodstuffs from your vicinity. We have taken this action on the basis that some of the ingredients used may be used in conjunction with the practice of Ninjutsu and therefore be in breach of- oh, you’ve got to be pulling my leg!” He ripped up the note furiously and tossed the pieces up in the air carelessly. Vector could only watch as Espio aggressively snatched up the last box of possessions, carried it and dumped it unceremoniously in the helicopter that was waiting with the rest of his Ninjutsu equipment. As soon as he was out of range, the helicopter then took off rather quickly into the twilight sky; leaving Espio with nothing but Vector’s entertainment for means of killing boredom for the next two weeks it seemed.

He decided to take a shower, in order to try and relax his muscles a bit, and relieve some stress off his mind. He went to the bathroom but, like the kitchen, there were some things missing, namely washing products. “Oh, this is just great.” By this time, he was exasperated by all the restrictions put in place, but he decided to put up with it and just go without the suds. Unfortunately, they had an even bigger setback. “Hmm, funny, the shower doesn’t seem to be working”. Espio went to the sink in the kitchen, only to find the same thing. He searched around for some time for the fault, until Vector inadvertently stumbled upon the cause while going out get the newspaper he forgot to pick up earlier; the plumbing to the office had been all but wrecked. Trying his very best to conceal his fury, he dashed to the bathroom again. Once there, he found another note saying pretty much the same thing as the last note, only with ‘water and using a shower to try and meditate’ in place of ‘cooking foodstuffs and ingredients may be used in conjunction with Ninjutsu’. Not being able to take much more, he let the note fall to the ground, before stomping on it and treading it into the floor as he marched back to the main area. Vector was now sitting on the couch. The television was on, but Vector was busy glancing up at the guy who was stomping into the room.

“What the heck are they thinking?” he huffed. “Is washing socks suddenly considered a deadly martial arts ritual?! Not that we need to wash now that Charmy’s skived off, I guess.” He tossed off his gloves, feeling completely dejected. Vector, having simply observed Espio going into meltdown the entire time, decided to comfort him and reassure him that things weren’t so bad. “Relax, pal!” He said with a confident grin, although he was somewhat worried that Espio might instead strangle him. “We may not have any water, but we could walk to the town. I mean, there’s nothin’ against buyin’ some pre-made healthy dishes or usin’ the launderette, is there?” Espio gave Vector a glance of scepticism. “The nearest town is over 15 miles away, Vector. We live practically in the middle of nowhere, without a decent method of getting to town on a daily basis! You didn’t even keep the number of a good plumber handy, and now we’re stuck since they’ve taken the telephone directories with them, as you may have failed to notice!”

Vector turned to where the phone was, and saw that G.U.N had indeed taken the telephone directories. In its place however, was another note, with a piece of lined A5 paper attached to it with a paper clip. He reached over for it, and read it aloud to Espio. “Chaotix, we anticipated that you would try and use the phone book to try and skirt regulations, so we removed it as a precaution. However, we have provided a list of takeaways and entertainment rental places that you can use during the two weeks to prevent starvation and boredom. We hope that you can use these to use the time allocated as you please. Signed, the Commander.” He gave a bemused shrug, before scrunching up the note and throwing it away carelessly and walking over to the noticeboard to pin the lined paper up. “Well, at least we have this much to amuse ourselves, although I can’t say I’d be bored!” He chuckled to himself before realising that Espio wasn’t taking it in such good stead.

He crossed back over to the couch, took off his own gloves, and put his hand on Espio’s shoulder. “Look, why don’t we just call it a day, eh? Get some shuteye, wake up in the mornin’, an’ plan everythin’ out over breakfast. We have all of two weeks to get through, after all!” He took Espio in his arms, carried him upstairs and placed him on his bed. The walls were bare now that his possessions were gone, and all that was left on the floor was a small, ragged stuffed crocodile that Espio had received when he was a baby. Vector picked up this little stuffed crocodile and placed it on Espio’s chest. Espio promptly took it off his chest and clung to it tightly, being the only thing that he could find familiarity and stability in. “G’night, pal.” Vector quietly whispered as he walked out of the room to head to his own bed. Espio didn’t respond, instead collecting his thoughts in the strangely unwelcome solitude of the night.

SWEET!

Why, thank you!

Anyway, I'm updating again! "Ah Purz, another chapter again I see?", you say? Well, guess what? I have TWO chapters, today! Don't you just LOVE my torture devices?! Mwee hee hee!

Both chapters are pretty much 'The Adventures of Espio in Some Random Non-Office Place, With a Conversation and Monologue With Vector at the End'. And Espio loses his marbles again. Good grief, can't this guy get a little pouch for his marbles, or something.

Okay, I'll just shut up now. Time for the two chapters!




Chapter 4; G.U.N Against Health?



Today was officially day one of G.U.N’s experiment. Unusually for the Chaotix, both Vector and Espio woke up at roughly the same time; Espio hadn’t gone to sleep until well past midnight, however, and was outright exhausted. At the very least, he didn’t have the energy to lash out at Vector if he got angry. ‘Why was I so irrational yesterday, anyway?’ he thought as he made his way down to the kitchen, a bag in his hand. ‘It’s not as if the perpetrators were there in the office when I found those notes, and Vector actually tried his hardest to reassure me that things were going to be okay, even if he was his usual bone-headed self going about it’. He went in and saw Vector looking through the cupboards. By the expression on his face, he could tell that he had forgotten to tell Vector about the first note in his rage.

“Sorry, Espio, but we don’t seem to have no breakfast. I’ll just grab some chips and bum out on the couch, but maybe you should be thinkin’ about-” Vector began, before Espio sneaked in front of him and grabbed himself a bag of chips. “Like I said, Vector, the town is far too far to be walking to. For now, I think I’ll just be grabbing myself some chips. I’ll just check up on the paper you pinned up yesterday for some ideas of lunch”. He and Vector both headed into the main area, Vector plonking himself on the couch and switching on the television while Espio more gracefully stepped over to the noticeboard. He looked through the takeaway options and noticed one thing they all had in common. ‘They’re all grease joints. Great, I can’t even go for the healthy option without consuming who knows how much junk”. He then moved back over to the couch and sat himself down, on the opposite end of the couch to Vector, with the bag he carried from upstairs now down at his feet, which were simply in the socks worn from yesterday.

“What exactly is this drivel you’re watching, Vector?” he asked, before tucking into the few chips that were in the bag, obviously having been under-filled. “It’s a talk show, an’ a great one to let your mind have a rest at that. You used to do this sort of thin’ all the time before you decided to become committed to your ninja training. Sort of dominated everythin’, that Ninjutsu stuff. Even the detective work suffered, and you were s’posed to have gained skills which made you better at the job”. He then took a large handful of chips from his own bag, and stuffed them in his jaws. “Oh, right. Well, I don’t really have time to spare for this brainless entertainment. If you don’t mind, I’ll be heading out for a walk.” Espio got up and made his way to the door, looking back at Vector to make sure he was allowed to go. “Uh, sure. Don’t see why not” Vector replied in between scoffing down more chips. Espio glanced at him for a few moments. Despite not having his responsibilities as a detective, he was still perfectly content with his lifestyle, which was something Espio envied in his currently miserable state. He then went out into the forest, bag in hand.

Without his meditation being available, a nature walk was his only method of unwinding. The mixing scents of lavender blossom and morning dew filled his snout with a renewed burst of liveliness. The taste of pollen in the air touched his tongue and danced upon it with their sweetness. The sunbeams breaking through the leaves lit the grass around him in a beautiful glow, and the rays kissed his scales with their warmth. He lay on the ground, content for once, although the thoughts of the experiment were still niggling at his conscience. He then let the contents of the bag roll out, revealing to be nothing more than his stuffed crocodile. He fell asleep there and then, curling up a little and hugging his stuffed crocodile all the while.

He woke up later with a colourful butterfly on his snout. He admired the patterns on its delicate wings…until his stomach began to rumble fiercely. It turned out that he had been out for hours, and it was actually sunset! “What on Earth?” he yelped as he tried to figure out how he could have spent most of the day sleeping. He picked up his stuffed crocodile and put it back in the bag, and headed over to the nearby stream to splash his face and freshen up. He glanced down at his reflection, of a chameleon not appreciating the sheer amount of flora and fauna, but instead worrying about something as simple as oversleeping. He watched as the fish darted in the water to escape from a predator, and imagined that he would be the fish if he didn’t get home, soon. Before he could set off though, a small gecko awkwardly crawled up to his feet. It quickly clambered over them and made its way back into the undergrowth. However, this was enough for Espio to realise something that he had managed to miss; he had forgotten to put his shoes on before going out. “Well, this just takes the mickey…”

It was now night and Vector had already ordered some burgers for dinner, and was nearly finished with his when Espio came through the door, panting heavily. “What happened, pal?” he asked, concerned that Espio was rushing to the office. “My deepest apologies, Vector. I should have been back before now. The problem was, you see, it was…was…well, when I got out there, I…” Vector gave Espio a look which effectively said ‘Dude, I know you’re telling big fat lies. Just give it up’. “Hey, it’s no problem if you went out to escape me and sleep in peace! I would too if I were you! I spent most of the time chillin’ to some music an’ sleepin’, myself” he beamed. “Vector, it wasn’t you, I don’t even know why I went to sleep…I don’t even know why I was carrying Mr. Crocky” he said, trying to defend himself, but only opening himself up for more jokes. “So you remember his name, eh? Well, um, it doesn’t matter. I ordered a couple of burgers for you, tried to get the healthiest ones there. I’d imagine you were hungry since you’ve skipped lunch. And did you know that you left...” “Espio sat at the couch and picked up one of his burgers. “Thanks for the thought, Vector. You’re not so bad when you think things through and don’t just do the first thing that comes to your mind. And I did notice that I went out without my shoes on, yes.”

After Espio finished his burgers, he was ready to get to bed again. He was about to get up and head to his bedroom, when a thought entered his head. “Hey, Vector? Would you mind carrying me up again? I must admit that I did enjoy it, yesterday, even if the rest of the day was awful.” Vector nodded, picked him up in his arms and began making his way upstairs. “So, is my best employee a little bit sleepy from his breakdown? Heh, I can understand how you feel. We’re not exactly workin’ either, so enjoy your sleep while it lasts!” The first sentence left Espio confused. “Best employee? But what about the whole Ninjutsu training being detrimental, and what about Charmy?” “Who cares about that kid? At least you’re willin’ to take the experiment like a man and not just skive off when it conveniences you”. Vector lay Espio into the now uncovered bed, giving him his stuffed crocodile to cling on to. He then retrieved the duvet from off the floor, and tucked Espio into it. “G’night, pal” he whispered. “Good night, Vector”. Espio whispered back.

Vector made his way out of the door, and back down to the couch. He stuck the television back on, but didn’t watch any of it, since he was too busy thinking about what had happened that day and yesterday. ‘Espio remembers the times when he’d have a lad’s day break, and remembers Mr. Crocky.’ He gazed up at the ceiling, letting his mind wander. ‘He usually calls me crazy if I suggest that he used to do those things. I guess this experiment is hitting him harder than I thought it would do…’ his thoughts eventually subsided, as he slowly dozed off while sitting on the couch, television running and no comforts to speak of.






Chapter 5; It’s A Washout!



Day two of the experiment. Espio was up at his usual early time again, while Vector was still snoozing away. Espio made sure that he put on his shoes this time, and made his way downstairs. He carefully went through to the kitchen to get something out for Vector to eat for breakfast. ‘There’s hardly anything to choose from’ he mused. ‘Maybe he’d like some chocolate, just until I get some proper food from the town.’ He put a rather large slab of chocolate from the cupboard on the table, and wrote a note saying that he’d be out for a while. He then got a plastic bag from the small pantry to the side. Heading back into the main area, he quietly came up to Vector and knelt down. He then proceeded to slowly remove Vector’s socks from off his feet and into the plastic bag. ‘It’s a good thing he wasn’t wearing his shoes. Why do us globally important folk only have one outfit to change into, anyway?’ He was about to get up, until Vector began to stir from his sleep. In a panic, Espio did what came straight to his head…and massaged his bare feet. After a few minutes of rubbing, Vector eventually settled down again, and Espio was safe to resume what he was doing. He wasted no time in heading out the door. ‘The things I do for that great lug.’ He paused momentarily once he was a safe distance away from the office. ‘Actually, I wouldn’t mind if he asked me to do that more often.’

Espio eventually made his way to town. His first stop was the launderette, to wash the little laundry they had. As he got close to it, however, he noticed that there was something wrong. “Excuse me, madam” he asked to one of the women standing outside. “What exactly is going on here?” “Haven’t you heard, sonny? Some G.U.N soldiers ransacked the place in order to prevent one ‘Espio’ from using it, and they did it by flooding the whole shop! Now I’ll never get mother’s tea cosy washed in time!” Espio folded his arms in disbelief. “I’m that ‘Espio’, madam, and I’m going to get our socks washed if it means I have to take the entire corporation down!” A G.U.N soldier suddenly stepped out from inside the shop. “With what exactly? You know the rules, you don’t have any weapons, using water is against the rules, and I’m not even sure if it’s wise for you to be taking exercise! I’d have to speak to the Commander about that one…” Espio growled, as he had to concede to the soldier’s points. ‘Fine, I’ll just use another launderette.

Every launderette had the same problem; G.U.N soldiers had ransacked them and flooded them, rendering them unusable. “Gee, I guess G.U.N’s a little crazier than I expected them to be” he said sarcastically. He then decided to go into the supermarkets to try and find some cleaning products to use at home. Alas, that was also blocked off by G.U.N, and the only aisles available to him were the aisles with electronic entertainment goods and ready-to-eat edibles. This was after searching nearly every place in town until quite a bit after lunch, although still in the midday hours. Having searched every shop he could find, and them being completely useless, he stopped to rest on a bench, feeling completely defeated. A G.U.N soldier was nearby, so he called him over. “Excuse me, sir?” he began, trying to be as polite as possible even though he was once again ready to strangle someone. “Y-Yes?” “Tell me, are all the subjects of this experiment going crazy?” “Well, sort of yeah. They’re all being deprived of what they love to do, so they-” “But are they all being deprived of basic needs like washing, and cooking, and household chores, and all that malarkey?” “I d-don’t think so. Just their tools for the j-job…why do you…ask?” Espio‘s nostrils were flaring up, and he was making a threatening snarl. “Get out of my sight…before I paralyse your body and convert you into a mop.” The soldier complied, and ran as fast as he could, screaming all the while.

“Relax, sir” a voice called from behind. Espio spun around to see that it was a vendor, a gangly one at that, with a frazzled cap barely covering his greasy brown hair, and his orange jump suit clashing with his olive skin. “Being so angry about things won’t make it better. You’ve got to get a grip!” Espio walked over to the vendor, still seething. “Listen, I’ve seen you around town today trying to look for a shop that wasn’t flooded. You got no luck? Have some kebabs on me. You’ll like them.” He handed Espio a large load of kebabs in a bag, and Espio immediately took one out, unwrapped it and bit into it. “I guess this is quite nice,” he said as he took a few more bites out of it. “So, sir, you’re prone to anger fits like this?” “Not usually nowadays, no, since ninja are disciplined and dignified. I used to be, however, very much a hot-headed bloke. I’d charge in without thinking, and my horn and my tongue were my answer to everything. I guess you could say that my employer was very much my idol back then…” The vendor broke his trail of thought to ask him a question. “And, how old were you, back when you were this ‘hot-headed bloke?” Espio looked a little sheepish at this. “To tell the truth…I was fifteen before I dedicated myself to the training. I’m eighteen, as of now.” The vendor nodded knowingly, and simply changed the subject. “Well, I guess you should be on your way, although I’ll have to get you new kebabs since you’ve ate all the ones I gave you before.” Espio freaked out when he said this, and looked in the bag to find that there weren’t any kebabs left! “Did I really…I couldn’t have…” Right on cue, his stomach gave off a happy gurgle of satisfaction. “I should be downright angry with myself for having so much junk! My regime strictly calls for a healthy and pure diet, and several kebabs is not…oh, what’s the use, I’ve already had two meltdown the last couple of days.” He took the new bag of kebabs off the vendor in exchange for his empty bag, and bid him farewell. ‘At least I shouldn’t eat these before I get back to the office.

Back at the kitchen of the office, Vector ate the kebabs that Espio brought in for lunch quite quickly. “I guess it does for a light meal. Still, can’t knock you for bringin’ in the good stuff.” He then noticed that Espio was looking miserable again, and had a hunch that something had happened while he was in the town. “So, Espio, you didn’t get angry again, did you?” He looked straight into Espio’s eyes, and Espio responded by turning his face away slightly. “Of course not, Vector. Why would a disciplined ninja like me get angry over a browse around the town? The other day was just an untrained scenario, but ninjas adapt.” “So, you got the socks washed?” he replied, which forced Espio to face him again. “Uh, no, I’m afraid not. The shop owners, they were, um, all on holiday.” He gave Vector the bag with his socks in, and Vector put them back on. “Ah well, as long as I’ve got them back, it’s all A-OK!”

The afternoon passed without incident. They had Chinese for dinner, and Vector read another of his novels while Espio sat doing the newspaper crossword. At night, they both went to bed fairly late, with Vector once again carrying Espio up to his bed. “G’night, pal.” “Good night, Vector.” Vector left the bedroom and shut the door, this time heading to his own bedroom. Compared to Espio’s bedroom, it was very messy; there were magazines and CDs everywhere, with some stale food he’s forgotten about scattered about here and there. But even with his comforts, and even tucked into his warm, soft bed, he couldn’t shake off the fact that he was completely unconvinced by what Espio had said earlier. As he tried to nod off to sleep, only one thing was crossing his mind; he needed to talk to Espio, pronto.

Oh yeah, two more chapters to mess with your heads! Well, they'd mess upyours if they weren't messing up Espio's so much. Seriously, that marble pouch I recommended to him must need a high security vault by now. Basically, he recalls and learns things about his past self, and isn't sure whether to revile or embrace the reversion he seems to be undergoing. If you think this is insane, wait until the next few chapters!

Edit: Whoops, nearly forgot to mention that the first five chapters are now on Fanfiction.net. It might be a bit easier on the eys with the lighter colours, but it still tried to break your mind!

Here we go. But don't look at the other four stories, they're not finished/even MORE insane than this one!



Chapter 6; They Called It Reminiscing



It was day three of the experiment. Both Vector and Espio had just had their lunch and were now on the couch, looking for a programme to watch. “Well, Vector, will you be watching another of your ‘fascinating’ talk shows again, today?” Vector didn’t reply, and instead carried on switching through the channels with a content look on his face, intent on finding a certain something. “No? Okay then, will you be watching a music channel? Cookery programme? Gadgets show? Don’t keep me in the shadows, I promise not to belittle whatever you fancy.” Vector still didn’t reply, continuing his channel hopping. He eventually stopped when he saw the very programme he wanted; a Martial Arts film, and one of Espio’s favourites, at that. “I thought my films bored you, Vector! Is something wrong? Are you annoyed at me?” When Vector didn’t reply after that, Espio decided that the best thing to do was to just shut up and watch the film.

After the film had finished, Espio glanced back at Vector. For the first time in a while, Vector glanced back at him. “Vector…why have you been so quiet today? You hardly spoke during breakfast, and you never watch that sort of film? What have I done to make you so angry? Was it yesterday, when I came in with the dirty laundry, because I swear, down to the bottom of my heart, that-” Vector lifted his finger and gently brought it up to Espio’s lips, signifying that he wanted him to calm down a bit. “Look Espio, I’m not angry with you. I know that you couldn’t find anywhere to wash, I know that you say you weren’t angry, I’m just worried.” Espio wasn’t convinced of Vector’s words, but he was surprised at his apparent concern. “Worried, Vector? Whatever for?” “You haven’t been yourself these few days. See, you’ve already had a couple of meltdowns, an’ your other habits are completely out of whack! If you think you need to bail on the experiment, I’d be more than happy to take us off it. We don’t need that money if you’re going to be crazy by the end of it!” Espio looked at Vector in horror. “W-What?! I’m not going crazy! I’ve just been adapting to the new circumstances, I told you that! All I need is a bit more independence and some healthy food to eat and…and…and” His speech broke off, and he sighed. “And I’ll just go get Mr. Crocky”

Espio quickly ran upstairs to retrieve his stuffed crocodile. When he came back down, he sat right next to Vector, who pulled him close to his chest. “So, you remember Mr. Crocky then?” he asked, putting his hand closer to that hand that Espio was holding it in. “Yeah, I remember having it since as far back as I can remember. He used to go everywhere with me, even down in the swamps. I used to have to drag him out of the bracken water and dip him in a stream to clean him. Hey, isn’t that where I met you?” Vector grinned, back to his childish demeanour again. “You were, what, two? An’ I had to pull you out when you fell in the swamp since you couldn’t swim at all. I cleaned off your body first, so it looked like you had a mask on your face! An’ I changed it to make you look like a clown!” he laughed loudly after this remark, while Espio simply smirked. “Yeah, but then I pushed your six-year-old butt straight back into the swamp, so you ended up looking like the bog monster!” They both howled with laughter, and it kept going for quite a few minutes.

“Well, anyway, do you remember when I became a ninja for the first time, when I was six? I got my little fluffy nunchucks and scroll and I had to do some training for an hour a week? It was great to have such free time, back then!” Vector gave him a snarky look. “How can I forget? I spent all of my own birthday money to get you membership with your Sensei!” He laughed again, although Espio went quiet. “Oh…I didn’t know that, Vector” “Yeah, I went down to the dojo, an’ he was all like ‘what you doin’ here?’ an’ I was like ‘mister, my friend wants to be a ninja. Can he join? I gots my piggy bank!’ an’ he was like ‘Very well, then. If your friend is determined to study the art of Ninjutsu, more power to him’, an’ you were like ‘Yay, I’m a ninjie!’” Espio composed himself again, and replied much more upbeat. “I remember that line, at least! I just wanted it to supplement my detective skills. If there was something I wanted more than anything else in the world, it was to follow your lead and become a great detective like you.” “And you did better!”

Vector suddenly grabbed Espio in much closer, so his face was pressing against his chest. “You remember when we were exploring Newtrogic High on a day out, don’t you? We were mindin’ our own business, and bam! Doctor Eggman and his tin can came outta nowhere an’ caught me! An’ you barely managed to escaped ‘cause you had the cool skills to do it!” Espio interrupted his retelling” I only got away for a little while longer, Vector. He caught up to me, too, but I was bailed out at the last second. We then got reunited and introduced to two other strangers. I only wish Charmy wasn’t as annoying nowadays…” Vector loosened his grip on Espio and cleared his throat. “Well, we only took the toddler in since he seemed to be so smart. Really, two years old and perfectly capable of understandin’ instructions an’ savin’ the world? Any other person would have said that we were crazy for wantin’ in on that, but he manages to pay for himself. Not exactly the most faithful employee in the world, though…”

The rest of the day passed without incident. Vector spent his time reading, while Espio sat in the kitchen, reminiscing to himself about his past. They had another takeaway for tea, and Vector carried Espio up to his room once they were both ready for bed. Espio, tucked under his covers, lay there awake for a little while longer. ‘Man, I’ve been an arse to Vector, haven’t I?’ He brought his stuffed crocodile up to his face and stared deeply into the lone button eye that still hung on. ‘I should try actually not being miserable for once, right? Maybe I can let myself diverge off the ninja path a little…I mean, there must be some music of his I may enjoy, right?” He then brought the stuffed crocodile back to where it was and clung to it, drifting off not long after.




Chapter Seven; Facing The Music



Day four of the experiment. While Vector was reading the morning newspaper on the couch sometime after breakfast, he spotted Espio heading towards the entrance. Strangely enough, he wasn’t wearing his shoes, once again. “Uh, Espio?” he called over, but Espio knew about the slight oddity, this time. “I’m aware, Vector. I’d prefer to let my feet air out a bit.” He then walked out of the door and into the forest. This time, he didn’t notice the lavender or dew, or the pollen or sunbeams. All he could tell was one thing. “Dang, speaking of feet, they’re beginning to stink a bit, aren’t they?” He sat down on a nearby rock and took a better whiff of them…which he soon regretted. “Phew, I guess they stink as much as G.U.N’s no washing policy, eh?” He laughed out at his own wit, something which he had always hated Vector doing. ‘Wait, did I just…huh, never mind, it was just the once.’ He got up and continued onto town, where he wanted to do a bit of trialing.

When he got to the town, the G.U.N soldier who he had threatened a couple of day beforehand was there to greet him. “Stop right there, chameleon!” he shouted in an abrupt and rude tone. “You won’t be getting into any launderette this time, either, so don’t even try to threaten me again!” Espio cocked his head to one side, bewildered by his outburst. “Relax, dude. I’m only here to try out the food, and get a little entertainment. Who cares about washing when you can just do whatever you feel like, right?” He then went invisible, slipped past the soldier and reappeared. This startled and irritated the soldier. “Ugh. Fine, go and entertain yourself. Just don’t treat me in that manner again, you hear me?” Espio just lazily waved him off and set into the part of town he was after. However, not long after, the Commander also got in his way. “So, you’re the guinea pig that hasn’t been handling the experiment. Well, I’m afraid I must inform you that you’re gonna have to put up with it, for now.” Espio was getting impatient at this point. “Yeah, sure thing. How about you just move along now, then, and I can handle the experiment badly all that much quicker.” “I’ll tell you what, punk.” the Commander retaliated, himself annoyed at Espio’s sudden change of attitude towards him. “I’ll be making a call to every guinea pig halfway through the experiment. That’s in three days time, if you haven’t gathered. If you so wish, you can choose to bail out of the experiment then, but you’ll have to forego the pay, if you do that!” Before Espio could answer, the Commander then called his transport around, and he was driven away. Espio went on to his next stop; the music store.

The people who were around there certainly weren’t the sort of crowd he’d usually mingle with; there were mostly hip-hop and pop enthusiasts about, with some other genre fanatics interspersed in their relevant aisles. Espio went to the customer service at the checkout. A scrawny, punk-commando woman was at the desk, busy chewing bubblegum and biting her fingernails off. Espio was nervous about asking her what music to listen to, but he plucked up the courage and raised his voice to her. “Excuse me, madam, but I’m trying to try out some music, and I was hoping for some recommendations.” The woman turned her head, and a blonde bang flew around to the side. “Well, what sort of genres are you looking for, honey?” she asked, in a heavenly sweet voice. Espio wasn’t expecting this, and he stuttered as he raised his guard, again. “W-Well, I was l-looking for something that c-could be enjoyable for rap, disco, techno and rock fans.” “Ah, that’s easy, then! It’s one of the most requested combos out there! Sure, sure I’ll get you some kicking tunes! The listening booth is over in that corner; I’ll bring your CDs over in a minute. See ya!” She dashed off to get his order fulfilled, while he cautiously waded through the crowds to the listening booth.

The booth was rather small, but it was also cushy. ‘I guess they expect people to stay in here for a while, from the looks of it’. He got as comfortable as he could, and the CDs were brought over a couple of minutes later. “Here you are, honey” she said in that same angelic tone. “Ten compilation CDs that do the job you asked for. Have a great time in there, I’m sure you’ll be spending hours in there…how about I get you some lunch then, for once you’ve finished?” Espio didn’t know what she meant by that, but he never turned down food for free. “Um, okay. How about something fried, preferably?” “That’s fine by me! I’ll see you then!” The woman scooted off back to the desk, as Espio shut the booth door and put on the headphones that were hanging from the ceiling. ‘Which one should I go for first? Hmm…oh, this CD has that ‘Mechanisms On The Up’ that Vector likes to rave about. I guess I could try it.’ He pushed the CD into the player, and selected it to play all. He sat back, and waited for the first tune to come on. Had he been more aware of his situation, he would have braced himself to prevent his mind being carried away with the music. Alas, as soon as the first notes played, he felt his head enter a state of euphoric bliss.

He sat there for hours listening to tune after tune of melodies and beats that hit him in the head like a drug, only temporarily coming out of it to quickly switch to the next CD on offer. ‘Whoa!’ he thought during one particular intermission. ‘I can see why Vector has his headphones on even at the most inappropriate times, this stuff is downright addictive. Can’t believe I didn’t get into it before I became dedicated to Ninjutsu!’ He then resumed getting lost in the music. He hummed to every one, even singing to some of the choruses if they were virulent enough. Anyone near to the booth just rolled their eyes if he did this, on the grounds that “The booth has got another soulmate”. He went through several bands and artists, of all the genres he requested. He’d rock out during rock. Sway during hip-hop. Put his hands into the air during techno. Jive in his seat during disco. By the end of it, he was getting quite sweaty from all the movement combined with the heat from being in a small space. He wearily came out of the booth and went back over to the customer service desk. “Here’s your lunch, honey!” the woman from earlier exclaimed, having bought him five cod fried in batter, with side portions of beans and black pudding, a treacle cake and a coke. He greedily gorged down the entire lot in just a few minutes, and released a small burp after he was finished. “Oh wow, you were a hungry nipper after all that, weren’t you?” she giggled. Espio just mumbled incoherently, his stomach pleasantly bloated from the meal. “So, did you like what you listened to?” Espio turned to face her, and separated some of the CDs from the others in his hand. “I did actually, I want these CDs only though, since my good pal’s got the rest, already. Oh, an’ I saw a sign for one of your other services…”

“Oh, there you are Espio!” Vector was elated to see Espio back in such a positive mood. “So, what did you get up to in town, then?” “Not much I’m afraid, Vector. Just made a note of what groceries are needed once we’re out of this experiment. Menial things you wouldn’t be interested in.” He was lying through his teeth of course. “Also, in the bag is some cloth and bin bags for the cleaning day tomorrow. This place is getting quite filthy, don’t you think?” He went up to his bedroom after giving him polite greetings afterwards, and pulled out the CDs from his bag, He put them under his bed so Vector couldn’t find them, and then took something else out of his bag; customised purple and black headphones, with extra durability and resistance against collateral weapon damage. “Heck yeah, baby! Time to jam it up, big!”

Whoo, more chapters again!

If you've made it this far, give yourself a big pat on the back. If you make it through chapter eight, give yourself a great big ceremony, and an OBE. If you make it through chapter nine, check yourself into the FBI, 'cause you're not human! It's the ultimate noob test, it's enough to make Charmy scream and clutch his antennae in pain, it's enough to make Big feel somewhat severe emotion...and it's right here!

And before I forget, all nine chapters will also be on the SEGA forums, in a few minutes! Even though that is mostly redundant for you lot...





Chapter Eight; Cleaning Up What, Now?



Day five of the experiment, and it was now after lunch. Vector himself had decided that he fancied a bit of a nature walk, and it was a perfect thing to do while Espio was intent on cleaning the place up. “All right, then! I’ll leave the mess up to you now, since you seem to know what you’re doing! See ya later!” he called to Espio. Espio looked through from the kitchen and waved back to him “See you too, Vector. This place should be free of your dirt in no time…” Vector then left, leaving Espio full reign of the house. He moved to head into the office to remove the rubbish from there first, since there was relatively less mess in there. On the way there, in the main area, he spotted Vector’s shoes lying abandoned on the floor by the telephone stand. He went back into the kitchen to toss the shoes into the pantry, and then went back through and into the office to clean up. Just as he was about to start, he spotted Vector’s Holmes novels in the corner of his eye. ‘Oh hey, those are the books he was allowed to keep’ he thought as he went over to the shelf with the books on. ‘I couldn’t understand these when I was little. Maybe I’d have more luck, now.’ He took one book off the shelf, called ‘The Adventure of the Speckled Band’. He pulled out Vector’s chair from beneath the desk, and made himself comfortable as he opened the book to the first page and began to read. He went through a few chapters before his mind began to become truly fixated on the words that entranced his mind into another world…

“Watson?” called a familiar voice. “Wake up, Dr Watson, I dare say you’ve overslept!” Espio slowly turned in the bed, and faced who appeared to be Vector. His head was hazy, and he wasn’t sure how he’d managed to get in a bed with another guy. However, surprisingly, Espio instinctively knew that this wasn’t quite the guy he knew from the Agency. “Apologies, Holmes” he murmured groggily. “It must have been the owls soothing me to sleep that made me nod off.” “That’s all right, Watson. Just remember; we have to look out for our criminal. Although Dr. Roylott claims that it’s the gypsies, I have my suspicions that he’s got something to hide from us.” Espio shook his head to try and recover his senses quicker. “I as well, Holmes. But what about the whistle sound, what does that do?” he asked, subconsciously remembering what he had read when he had his wits about him. “Oh, we’ll find out soon enough…”

Sure enough, very soon, a faint whistle was heard. Both ‘Vector’ and Espio keep a keen eye out for any suspicious movement. Then, through the darkness, Espio noticed gleaming scales, in the pattern of a speckled band. “Holmes, there!” He shouted to his cohort. “That must be the perpetrator!” ‘Vector’ lifted his cane, ready to attack, but the snake was able to strike it out of his hand. “Goodness, that looks like a Swamp Adder! Those things secrete deadly poison; it could kill a person in less than a few minutes. Julie must have tried to warn her sister about it on her dying breath!” Espio then took up an intimidating stance towards the snake. “Watson, what on Earth are you doing?” ‘Vector’ was shocked to see him suddenly get so active, especially as all he usually liked to do was stay in safety with the police on standby and generally act as backup if he got into a muddle. “I’m just using all the Ninjut…uh, Baritsu skills I’ve learned, Holmes! Dr. Roylott isn’t going to get the best of us if I have my way!” Espio then leapt off the bed in lightning quick time, and went invisible. The snake tried to find Espio’s scent, but in this fictional world he was as fresh as a daisy. He then struck the snake with a lashing of his tail, which drove the snake to insatiable anger. It slithered onto the bed, and climbed up the bell chord. It then went through a ventilator to the next room, and soon the only sound heard was that of a dying Dr. Roylott. They had cracked the case.

Back at 221B Baker Street, ‘Vector’ and Espio were lamenting over how they had managed to suss out Dr. Roylott’s scheme. “You see, Watson” ‘Vector’ began, “If Helen had married as planned, Dr. Roylott was set to lose hundreds of pounds on the entitlement to the estate. This financial crippling obviously wasn’t in his interests, so he set about murdering both of his stepchildren. As you could see, he owned several exotic animals, one of them being the Snake Adder that attacked us. He trained the Adder to respond to his whistle, which would be placed into the ventilator and made to go down the fake bell chord. There, it would strike its victim and the poison, being so potent, would kill said victim very quickly. He then whistled again to attract the Adder back to his room, which prevented anyone from knowing what had happened. I dread to think what would have happened to Helen if we hadn’t have planned for her to switch places with us…” Espio got out a cigar for ‘Vector’, as he complimented his thinking. “Sheer brilliance, Holmes! You may not have the greatest emotional intelligence, but your ability to deduce the greatest conclusions from the smallest details is impeccable and, dare I say, unmatched! Why, I’m not even sure why you bring me into the frays of your cases, I could just sit at home, while you’d solve the case and tell me everything to type up afterwards!”

‘Vector’ frowned at these words. Espio wasn’t sure what he had said to offend him, so he tried to correct himself generally. “All right then, Holmes, you are emotionally intelligent, but you’re still ingeniously insightful!” “No, Watson.” ‘Vector’ stubbed out the cigar he was smoking. “I’m an apathetic man, cold to nearly everyone I meet. And that’s why I need you. You provide myself and others with sound thinking, a stable and logical mind to turn to when I’m busy exciting myself into a frenzy.” This didn’t convince Espio. “Maybe emotional support them, but that asides?” “You’re not an ignorant man yourself, Watson, and I am only human. You catch the details I miss. You provide the knowledge I don’t have. In all of my years of working as a detective, I’ve known you for nearly all of that time, and I’ve been much better off with you here, right by my side.” ‘Vector’ came over to comfort his friend, and poured out some wine into a nearby glass. “A drink, Watson?”

Espio came round to his senses, only to find out that he had finished reading the book a while ago. “Funny, I don’t remember that ending.” He carefully closed the book and slid it back into its place on the shelf, making sure not to damage the book in the process. He then realised that he was supposed to have cleaned up the office by now. “Aw man, I haven’t moved any of this trash! If I just zip ‘round quickly, maybe I can do it before Vector comes back from his walk. Unfortunately, as if on cue, he heard the door slam. “Heya, Espio!” Vector bellowed to him. “So, was the cleaning alright? Is the place spotless, like you’d want it to be?” Vector looked around, expecting to see the surfaces sparkling depressingly brightly. To his surprise, the surfaces looked the same as they did when he went out for the walk. “Uh, I decided that the mess wasn’t such a priority, after all. I can just do it in a couple of days time.” He then walked up to Vector, and embraced him in a hug, which surprised Vector even moreso than the lack of cleaning he had done. “But enough about me, your walk must have been exhilarating, you want to tell me about it over some nachos?




Chapter Nine; S.O.B.E.R



Day 6 of the experiment. The day had been pretty standard. Both Vector and Espio had been listening to music non-stop, although Espio had been listening in his bedroom after telling Vector that he was just going upstairs to sort out some of the magazines scattered about on the loft hallway. At night, Vector packed some telephone numbers into a money pouch he happened to have, and approached Espio after they had dinner. “Say, pal. I was thinkin’ that we could go out to town tonight. Just as a nice one-off, an’ all?” Espio was getting pretty tired of heading to town and running into escapades there through G.U.N, but he didn’t want to let Vector down, either. “All right then, but if we run into any G.U.N soldiers, you’ll do the talking.” Espio got his own money pouch out and carefully squeezed his stuffed crocodile into the biggest pocket the pouch had. “Oh, by the way Espio. You haven’t seen my shoes have you? I might need ‘em after tomorrow.” Vector said, as he stood in the doorway, clearly not intent on retrieving his shoes before going out to town. “I do, but I think we should just leave it until later. What do you have planned, anyway?” Vector didn’t answer this, he only gestured to hurry up and get out the door!

In the town, Espio was surprised to see that there were no G.U.N soldiers out on the streets. “They must all be inside to keep warm. It’s pretty cold out here, y’know!” Vector was outright jovial now, while Espio was still being kept in the dark. They made their way to a rundown bar on the other side of the town, out of the way of the main shopping area. There were several people already outside the bar, although they had food on plates, so they were probably just here for a late dinner. That wasn’t Vector’s intention. When they went inside, Vector went straight up to the bartender and told Espio to sit down at one of the tables. The crocodilian waitress made a passing glance at Espio, and then spoke to him after she had finished serving another customer. “So, what y’all in ‘ere for, sugah?” she asked as she sat on the table. Espio was getting embarrassed at this, so he tried to hasten the conversation along. “Um, I’m afraid I’m not sure, ma’am. All I know is that Vector has it all planned out. Right Vector?” He called over to Vector, who had just finished ordering. Vector was actually taken aback. “Ma’am?! Since when did you shorten your words?” Espio realised that his tongue had slipped, and hastily slapped his hands against his mouth. “Ah, no worries. I’ve got the order, anyway.” He came to the table clutching at least a couple of dozen bottles of Chao Chugger. “Ooh” remarked the waitress, picking a bottle up and looking at its label. “This stuff seems mighteh strong. 10% alcohol content is the highest you can get legalleh, ain’t it?” She giggled at the two boys after some realisation of what was about to happen. “Well, I’ll just be over there, if you dogawn need me, fellas! I’ll be more than happeh to ‘join in’, if y’all want me to!” She then made her way back to the bar, ready to serve more customers.

“What was she on about, Vector?” Espio wondered. “Well, I thought that we’d have a little bit of fun, tonight…let our senses go…get completely smashed…” Espio became alert and rigid after hearing these words. “Wait, smashed? But we’ve never tried having that much alcohol before!” Vector only grinned as he popped the cap of two of the bottles. “Well, there’s a first for everythin’, ain’t there?” He shoved a bottle into Espio’s hand and forced the held bottle up to his lips. “Bottoms up then, pal!” Vector raised the bottle and poured the liquid into his eagerly awaiting throat. Espio reluctantly did the same, slowly gulping down a mouthful at a time. After a short while, however, they both began to feel tipsy. “Hey, Esp, I’m beginnin’ to feel a lil’ outta control, ‘ere.” Vector was still opening bottle after bottle, while Espio had to concentrate to do the same. “Vec, y’sure this is a great idea? I’m feelin’ sorta numb.” “Just keep goin’. We’ve gotta be near it, now!” Espio didn’t have a clue what ‘it’ was, but he kept drinking. Soon, their heads turned into mush; they couldn’t speak properly, they couldn’t think properly, the scenery was a blur to them…they’d gone over the edge.

“Oh dang, this jus’ feels so good!” Vector hollered out, much to the amusement of the other drunkards in the bar. “I thin’ I need to hurl, Vec! S’cuse a sec!” Espio then inexplicably threw up onto the floor. The waitress, having predicted that this was what Vector had wanted to do, was already prepared with a mop and bucket. She quickly trotted over to where the mess was, and cleaned up in record time. After she was done, she decided to have some fun of her own. “Oh, don’t worreh boys, I’m here to clean yah messes up! Just keep doin’ yah thing!” she said, bending over. “Oh, wow! I thin’ I found some proper lustin’ fodder!” Espio pinched her exposed underwear and she feigned a yelp as she straightened up. “Oh my, I guess I shouldn’t have done that! Now however will you boys be able to control yah instincts?” She ran off quickly, as Vector and Espio entered a giggle fit and let the alcohol take over their mood.

“Have I ever said about all tha times I’ve lied to yer, Vec? When yah thought I were angry and I kept whingin’ ‘Nah, nah, I’m jus’ mah usual snooty self’? An’ I said I gots some cleanin’ crud and was cleanin’ the loft? I was talkin’ straight out of mah arse, man!” Espio slammed the table in a fit of laughter, sending a bottle careering straight into an opposite wall and breaking into tiny fragments. “Geebus, Esp! You coulda just said somethin’, then! What would I’d ‘ave done, lecture yah?” They doubled over, attracting a crowd of several drunkards to their table. “I didn’t wanna admit that yah had some kickin’ tunes! You shoulda seen mah in tha lil’ booth in this music place. I was jus’ sittin’ there, wastin’ mah time away, an’ it was tha best time wastin’ I ever done, too!” Vector looked at him with a giddy look on his face. “Yah better share it, then, or I’ll be clawin’ at yah door for it!” Vector responded, through stifled chuckles. Some of the drunkards began to intervene in the conversation. “But what about yer jobs, man? Haven’t yer done them for a while” “Nah, me an’ Esp ‘ave been in this test thin’. We had to give up tha jobs for two weeks, an’ we’re only on day six!” They all began to laugh, as the waitress turned the music up and everyone began to uneasily dance to the music, in a motion that resembled a strange sort of grooving only done by those completely off their rocker. There was singing, friendly fisty cuffs, spilt alcohol, and a generally happy and ignorant mood.

Eventually, Vector and Espio were able stumble out of the bar and onto the streets, although they had no idea where they were staggering. While they were travelling, Espio spoke to Vector, more solemnly than in the bar. “Hey, Vec? ‘Ave I mentioned how yer like a big bro, to mah? I didn’ knows it before, but yah tha only guy who cares about mah. Yah try to comfort mah when I’m stressed, yah cheer mah up when I’m bein’ a miserable toad, an’ yah willin’ to forego what yah want jus’ to make mah happy! All that Ninja crud jus’ got in tha way of makin’ mah realise it…can yah forgive mah stupidity, pal?” Vector just put his arm around Espio’s shoulders and brought his lips to Espio’s earhole. “Esp, how can a big bro not forgive his favourite lil’ bro in tha whole wide world? Yah mean more to me than anyone else, an’ that won’ change over somethin’ as small as a lil’ spat or two?” He then tugged Espio so that they were both in an embrace with each other. “Now, we really need to sleep. It’s getting’ late!” They walked a few steps, until they found a bin to snuggle in, where they both passed out.

Hoo, great story, long chapters! Try to break it up, as you will lose readers by doing that.

Whoo, thank you for the compliment and the critisism!

With the length of the chapters, I think it's becauuse I'm gearing it for the FF.net layout, where 1000 words looks like barely anything. Still, I'll try to keep in mind that my narrative isn't exactly the greatest for ideal reading. Although it probably won't change for this story, the next one should be able to benefit!

Sweet_Savannah_Charmy wrote:Whoo, thank you for the compliment and the critisism!

With the length of the chapters, I think it's becauuse I'm gearing it for the FF.net layout, where 1000 words looks like barely anything. Still, I'll try to keep in mind that my narrative isn't exactly the greatest for ideal reading. Although it probably won't change for this story, the next one should be able to benefit!

Great; just try to split the chapters apart. I understand; I wrote an extremely long story once, and had to post it up in parts. By the time I had posted the first page out of somewhere around 14, someone had already asked if I could put in their fan character, etc., and I had to change the entire story.

Fortunately I don't think any OCs will change this story.

Oh, and here's another update! This one is less insane than the last few, but eh. Here are the next chap--

Torvela: Less insane? Are you kidding me?

Well, yeah. There's no drinking, no sudden scene change, so why...

Torvela: No, there isn't. But I've seen that type of writng in those chapters on DA.

...And?

Torvela: They're exactly like a certain sort of writing.

Oh, and what writing would that be?

Torvela: ...Fetish writing.

Fetish writing, whatev--Wait, WHAT? Hell no!!
Um, so here are the next..chapters. Man, I can never avoid insanity, can I?




Chapter Ten; Unexpected Changes For G.U.N!



Day 7 of the experiment, although not that you could tell anymore. An old woman was walking down the road to get her groceries, when she spotted two bodies that lay slumped down in a bin, their faces seemingly content. “Oh, goodness! Are you two young men okay?” she cried, prodding the bodies with her cane to try and knock them awake. Eventually, Espio slowly came around, although he had a huge hangover to contend with. “Yo, ma’am.” He slurred as he stood up. He then dragged Vector’s huge mass out of the bin and onto the pavement, breathing into his nostrils to awaken him from his stupor. Vector’s eyes fluttered for a moment, before he sat up and clutched his head with one hand. “Hey, Espio? D’you think we should head back to the office now? I really need an ice pack an’ a nice cuppa chocolate…” Espio suddenly remembered back to the soldier’s word a few days ago, and realised that they had bigger priorities. “Wait, I was told the Commander was doin’ drop-ins mid-week. He could be there right now!” They both began to panic and ran off at full pelt, leaving the old lady to silently try to make sense of what had just happened.

The Commander had let himself in with a skeleton key to the Agency office. This was the last group he had to visit, and he was thankful for it; the others had been whinging their heads off about how their job was a part of them, and how they were suffering without being able to do it, mostly having cracked yesterday. He had decided to settle down at the kitchen, and had poured himself a coffee to go with some biscuits he happened to have been carrying. He was about sip some of his coffee when he heard quick footsteps approaching. “Ah, that must be those Chaotix folk, now” he muttered, and he got up to stand by the kitchen doorway. The next that he knew, two figures were rushing straight in, and simply collided into him as they were so focused on getting to the kitchen in time to notice that he was already there.

When he sat up and straightened himself up, he noticed that both Vector and Espio seemed to be worse for wear. “At ease, guinea pigs…May I ask why you’re…well, not exactly fresh as daisies?” he asked, trying to hide the fact that by this time, they stunk the place out quite badly. “Dude, you and your cronies were the ones who cut the plumbin’ so I couldn’t use it to meditate, remember?” Espio replied, irritated that the Commander had overlooked this fact. “Yes, well, did you really have to go as far as ditching the gloves and shoes altogether and go diving through the garbage, of all things?” At this point, the Commander was extremely perplexed by their apathetic demeanour. “Eh, we were drunk, an’ we had to sleep somewhere, y’know. We still gots the hangovers to prove it!” Vector said as he got out ice packs for himself and Espio. “I see…I suppose it is at least reassuring to know that you waited until your minor associate was absent before being highly inappropriate.” “Wait, Charmy? That swine ditched us before this test even began!” Vector slammed his fist on the table in anger. “Yeah, an’ he’ll be sorry when he comes back to us! ‘Oh, I’m so sowwy guys! I shoulda weally stayed if I wanted to avoid bein’ made into a wall ownament!’” Espio mirrored Vector’s anger, and slammed his own fist down onto the table. The Commander quickly changed the subject, more out of fear at being mauled by two madmen than having to cover the required protocol.

“Well, gentlemen, we should really move onto discussing your experience of the week…if you want to, that is.” He was downright nervous, to the point of being submissive. Fortunately for him, their anger seemed reserved only for Charmy, and they calmed down to answer. “Oh man, this week has just been so fun!” Vector began. “No work…” “No stress…” Espio intermitted, continuing on Vector’s sentence before Vector reclaimed it. “No responsibility…” “No monotony, just day after day of livin’ life up like there’s no tomorrow!” Vector and Espio high-fived each in joyous agreement, while the Commander took notes on their strange behavioural adjustment. ‘Guinea pigs seem to have been altered physically and mentally; not only are they fatter than before experiment, they appear not to be bothered by being forced into a slovenly lifestyle.’ “I mean, I used to be like this all the time, an’ then I dedicated myself to that Ninjutsu nonsense an’ became the biggest stick in the mud yous ever met!” Espio speaking up again caught the Commander off guard, and his pencil slipped on the page and made a rather large mark. “He even allowed ‘imself to get smashed, last night! How ace is that!” At this point, the Commander knew that he didn’t need to assess anymore.

“So…I assume you two don’t want to be let off the experiment early?” he asked, and Vector and Espio shook their heads in unison. “I see…well, I need to go now to make sure that Dr. Eggman is still inactive. Meet me again after he experiment is over for a full review.” He slowly walked to the kitchen doorway, carefully stepped down the small hallway, silently went through the entrance, and then bolted away from the office, making sure that he was well away from any potential harm. The G.U.N soldiers ready to greet him had to back off as he leapt into the helicopter hold. “Is everything okay, sir? You seem to be in a bit of a haste.” “I’m fine soldier, just fly us out of here, immediately!” The helicopter then disappeared off into the horizon as fast as it could.

Now that the Commander was gone, Vector and Espio could try and get over their hangover in peace. They took the items out of their money pouches, and tossed the money pouches to one side. “We should be getting’ some zees, Espio. We can’t do much with a hangover.” Vector said. He pulled out a blanket from under the couch and gestured to Espio to lie on it. “Huh, you’re right. Y’gonna sleep with me, then?” He was snuggling up with stuffed crocodile when he felt a huge weight press on his body, the warmth and security soothing his muscles as much as it was crushing them. He turned his head slightly to see that Vector was lying on him with a blanket over the both of them. Vector put his arms around him and his cuddly, making sure that Espio was pinned. “You betcha, buddy!”



Chapter Eleven; Liberation!



Day eight of the experiment, and the television was on at full blast. Vector and Espio were watching a wresting match with enthusiasm. “Oh man, did ya see that? That move was so awesome!” Vector yelled in excitement, spreading popcorn everywhere. Beforehand, they’d been on a chocolate binge for breakfast, so were extremely hyper. Having recovered from their hangovers, they were going to have a real blast today, doing everything they wouldn’t dare do if things were still normal. “Oh yeah! Show that punk who’s boss!” Espio jumped up and down on the couch, knocking even more popcorn to the ground amongst the rest of the little that had gathered up over the week. After this apparent manoeuvre, the opponent was quickly pinned down, and the match was over. For a good while, all that could be heard were hollers and cheers and screams of ecstasy as they celebrated; both the victory and the freedom.

Such was their state that they suddenly ran out of the house. They ripped up bins from the nearby forest and scattered the contents all over the house, only avoiding Charmy’s little den because Charmy would abhor such behaviour. Vector switched the radio and turned it up to full volume, and the rock music startled the woodland creatures and forced them to retreat to shelter from the offensive noise. Espio zipped upstairs to get his headphones and make sure that his stuffed crocodile was still easy to access. When he got back down, he joined Vector in doing nothing but losing himself in the music, dancing away to the beat without knowing or caring what was happening to anyone else. The smell was atrocious by now, with a putrid mix of body odour and decaying food. Everything was covered in a layer of dirt, which made the furniture and floor look brown. The air was heavy with gases that made clean oxygen relatively hard to come by. They didn’t notice any of this, at all. They had each other, and that was all that mattered.

They eventually stopped for a late lunch, before vegetating out on the couch. Their dancing had made them sweaty and tired, their breathing heavy. Vector was the first to say something after so long. “Yo, Esp! You can dance alright, but can you hold me in a fartin’ contest?” He looked at Espio as he said this. Espio’s content smile grew into a proud, crazed grin. “’Course I can take you on! What, y’thought I grew up with you without learnin’ a trick or two? No chance!” With this, they both gobbled down another portion of beans and began to let rip. The woodland creatures that had came back after the music had been turned down were now facing an onslaught they thought they’d never witness. “Whoa, have you seen how much those tenants have changed?” lamented a squirrel. “Yeah, the ninja dude I knew would never participate in a farting contest, let alone laugh and giggle while enjoying letting each blast off! Perhaps they can be fixed?” remarked a doe, trying to keep her muzzle in the plant foliage to mask the stench coming from the office. A young lamb looked at the doe with a stern look. “I don’t think there’s any fixing. This is what they’re like without the restraints of societal standards.”

Eventually Vector was able to narrowly beat out Espio, which wasn’t surprising since Vector had more experience at it. “Ha! Knew I could beat ya! Cough up the reward, pal!” Espio tilted his head to the side, not sure about what Vector meant. “We didn’t specify a reward, Vector. We just went about it there and then, remember?” “Oh, right, yeah…” Vector seemed disappointed that there wasn’t any gain from it. He sighed while twiddling his fingers around and twitching his toes. Looking at his toes, Espio was reminded of something, and his eyes twinkled with a bright idea. “Oh, don’t feel so bad, Vector.” He slunk onto the floor and positioned himself in front of Vector’s feet. “Espio, what are you…?” “Now now, Vector. I know what I’m doin’” He pulled a sock off Vector’s left foot. “Y’know, that wash day may have ended in me goin’ into meltdown, but I do remember enjoyin’ this part!” He then tugged the sock off the other foot. “Foot massage, buddy?”

Vector didn’t really have a chance to say no, since Espio began rubbing as soon as he’d finished talking. Even if he had been able to speak, it was doubtful he would have declined. Espio caressed the feet with a soft touch that filled Vector with a relaxing sensation that he couldn’t resist. He gave a moan of satisfaction as Espio stroked the most sensitive part of his feet, and had to stifle another moan when Espio massaged the toes. The overwhelming combinations of sensations defused Vector until he could hardly be bothered to even talk. There was suddenly a pause after Espio had finished rubbing the toes, and Vector and thought that Espio was done. Just as he was about to stretch, however, he felt an oozing feeling on the toes. He looked down to see that Espio was in fact caressing them with his tongue just as skilfully as he had done with his finger. His face flushed red and he stared at Espio, amused. “If I’m gonna use my tongue in combat, I gotta practice getting all sorts of tastes on it, right?” Espio temporarily broke off to say, before resuming with the massage and sending Vector back into a blissful stupor.

When it was over, they took some time to recover from their sheer enjoyment. Wearily, Vector made a stretch for the telephone to order dinner. “I’m gonna order normal sizes tonight, Espio.” He said, with a goofy smile on his face. “Tomorrow, I’m plannin’ an all-out fat binge so we can finally make our stomachs happy. You’re gonna love it!” Espio just quietly acknowledged what he said “An’ after dinner, we can watch more movies, an’ chat, an’ read Holmes together, an’ sleep all we want!” Espio again quietly acknowledged, but wanted to make a point. “Vector, just remember; if you ever betray my foot massages for Charmy to do ‘em, you’re a dead croc!” “Let Charmy do ‘em? Not a chance, pal!” Vector replied, and they both went back to ordering dinner.

Man, things are really sucking for them. They go insane, then barely recover, only for a mob of big cats to beseige the office and hold them prisoner! You'd think someone with a good knowledge of martial arts could avoid that, y'know.

Edit: Also, a side note; chapters 6-10 are now added onto fanfiction.net, so you can relive that moment when Espio went completely cuckoo.
Speaking of cuckoo Espio, does anyone else find it ironic that my signature shows off the most ninja-esque pose of Espio there is, and yet his characterisation in my fanfic is like that for...what, two chapters?

It's time for chapters 12 and 13...with still no other canon characters in sight!





Chapter Twelve; Grease is the Word



Day…who the heck knows, anymore? It might as well just be ‘Nutcase Day’ every single time. Anyway, the kitchen table was stacked with wrappers of burgers and burritos, leftovers of pork pies and pipped pretzels, crumbs of chips and cake, and the currently occupied couch was no better. Vector had kept his word to Espio, and the fat binge was on. They could only tell that it was night time from the moonlight shining in. There had been no separate time for breakfast, lunch or dinner; there was only continuous eating while having music blasting into their earholes from their headphones. As such, their minds were turning very lethargic. “Got some pizza there, buddy? I’m feelin’ like havin’ a bit more cheese.” Vector reached behind for a slice of pizza. It had pineapple and ham on it, as well as various other ‘toppings’ that had formed from scraps sticking to the cheese. “Right here, pal! Chow down!” He tossed the pizza slice into the air, which Espio yanked back down, with his tongue. He didn’t even care for the saliva that dripped onto his chest when he sucked it into his mouth.

“Look at them ignorant sloths, Don!” A small and twiggy puma with a blouse, blazer and nose plug was peering through the window that overlooked the main area. “Quiet, Pummel! Do you want us to be caught? We’re here for a sting operation, not a circus show!” A group of four other felines came from out of the nearby bushes, also wearing blazers and nose plugs. The apparently lead, a lion, stepped up to the puma and gave him a slap up the face. “And it’s not just ‘Don’, it’s ‘Don Leon’, understand?” A tiger stepped forward as well. “You’ve gotta admit Don Leon, it is kinda funny to watch those bozos spend their time doing nothing but binge and laze.” The lion just gave the tiger a slap up the face in response. “How pathetic.” He then turned to the other two and sighed. “Just typical of those abhorrent reptiles, isn’t it? They have the rotten reputation to do whatever crimes they want to, and they decide to use it to either do such goody work as being detectives, or use their crimes as an excuse to spite their maker and possibly snag another sleazy fan of their work! Well, we’ll just keep watching for a little longer, but I already think we’ve found the perfect place to run out counterfeiting operations…”

As Vector shoved another handful of cookies down his throat, Espio couldn’t help but notice something different about him. “Hey, looks like ya got some more glycerol on your meat, if ya know what I mean!” Espio chuckled to himself, as Vector stuck his tongue out at him. “Ya sayin’ that as if there ain’t no glycerol on your own meat, either.” “Oh, silly you! I didn’t mean that in a bad way!” Espio leaned over to Vector, and put his hand on Vector’s belly as he shoved his bowlful of ice cream in Vector’s unsuspecting jaws. “Mmph?!” Vector could only grunt as Espio lowered his hand back down, putting it around Vector’s back and huddling up to him. “It just makes ya more like a giant, scaly monster that’s oh so cuddly and warm!” Vector swallowed the ice cream. He them dropped the chocolate he had previously held and grasped at Espio’s belly. “Likewise, pal, likewise!” Finally deciding that their stomachs were bloated after so much food, they were just content to rub each other’s bellies, and giggle like schoolgirls as they revelled in the ticklish feeling.

“Ew! Us big cats would never do that, right Don Leon?” spoke up the lanky cheetah squeamishly. “Too right, Cheats. We felines pride ourselves in cleanliness. Then again, we were raised in majestic and awe-inspiring savannahs and jungles and grassland, not some filthy, stinking swamp. Perhaps that is why they’re so messed up in the head.” He accidentally let his voice fall to a growl, but recomposed himself. “Alright then. Jinx, have you decided how you’ll get them in a position to be controlled, yet?” The last feline, a small and stout lynx, fiddled with the cuffs of his magician’s gloves, and gave a sinister smile. “Absolutely, Don Leon. If they want unity and sensual experiences they’ll never forget, we’ll deliver all too willingly…” he croaked as he let out a sharp cackle. The lion then slapped him up the face. “Not so loud, idiot! If they hear us, then our plans will be scuppered! Now, let us just go back to the temporary cave accommodation, and get all the equipment ready for tomorrow.” The five felines sneaked off into the bushes as gently as possible, and made their way to their HQ.

“Huh? You hear somethin’, Espio?” “Yeah, the fact ya suddenly gone paranoid on me.” Espio replied with a yawn. “All this food is makin’ me a little eager to sleep. Why don’t you get some zees too, buddy?” Vector looked down as Espio lay his head on his chest, apparently finding his belly too irresistible to not use as a pillow. “Huh, I guess I should. G’night, pal.” “G’night, buddy.”





Chapter Thirteen; Mesmerise The Simple-Minded



It was sometime midday, and Vector and Espio were busy catching up on the gossip by reading the biweekly magazine in the office. It was awkward for tow grown men to stare at one magazine at such a small desk at the same time, but they made it work by Espio sitting on Vector’s shoulders. On one of the pages was a story about Rouge; she had apparently suffered a nervous breakdown on day eight due to being deprived of her jewels, and was now streaking in Capital City. “Huh, crazy broad” Espio murmured nonchalantly, the sheer irony being lost on him. “Ah well, I’m sure she’ll be fine once she get her jewels” He lifted his head and climbed off Vector. “Y’want a coffee?” he asked.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Vector and Espio were mystified, as they weren’t expecting visitors. “Hey Espio, what if it’s…Charmy?” Espio tensed up at this suggestion. Neither of them was enthusiastic about the prospect of him showing up, and they showed it. “If it is, I’ll be ready t’deal the pain to ‘im.” Espio reached up over the lockers in the office and grabbed a can of insect repellent that was barely visible underneath the garbage. He then crept to the entrance, and slowly opened it, his guard up. It was promptly lowered when he saw the guest. “Oh, never mind Vector. It’s just some sort of travellin’ magician.” The little lynx trundled in with his blazer and magician’s cuffs, and then got out his equipment quickly.

“Hey! I didn’t say ya could set up! What’s the big deal?” Vector vented at the lynx, only for his concerns to be brushed off. “Oh, panic yourself not, sir. I was just on my lonesome way through the area, when I spotted this building out the blue!” “Sure it can’t be too bad. Let’s see what tricks he ‘as for us.” Espio remarked, defusing Vector’s anger. “Oh, why thank you gentlemen! Yes, I have a very good variety of tricks, and I’m charging you nothing to observe them!” he chirped. Vector and Espio still had suspicions, but they kept them quiet. For the next half an hour, all was good; the lynx did some basic card tricks, as well as the old hat trick with the rabbits. He levitated, dissipated, animated, fabricated, anticipated and generally generated interest from Vector and Espio. Once he felt he had them in his grasp, he pulled out the finale…

“Gentlemen, for my last trick, I’ll be demonstrating the power of ideas so simple as subliminal messaging! All I’ll need is a television and an input for my specially-crafted programme box.” “The TV’s in the main area. C’mon, we’ll help ya hook it up!” Vector got up off the chair and tucked it under the desk. All three made their way to the main area, the lynx looking at where he was walking the whole time. “Is…is your home always this buried in trash?” he asked, wary of stepping in anything too unpleasant” “Heh, nah! We just been relaxin’ for the week. Ya don’t know how ‘ard it is to both not be a detective and not be a ninja!” Vector slid the television slightly so that the lynx could hook up his programme box. Vector and Espio plonked themselves onto the couch and waited for the lynx to make his next move. “I see you’re comfortable. All you have to do now is keep watching my programmes, and soon you’ll witness so real fine magic!” he cackled playfully as he switched the television on, followed by the programme box.

“What is this…stuff?” Espio asked in confusion. The programme that was being shown was all but mindless junk, pandering to absolute idiots. “Yeah, it doesn’t seem so magical to me, either.” “Oh, keep watching. I’ll just be outside if you need me.” With that, the lynx hurried out the room and shut the door. Vector and Espio kept watching as asked. At first nothing happened, and they were getting bored watching it. “Are y’sure we can’t change the channel?” Vector moaned. After a few more minutes of complete nonsense, Vector reached for the remote to turn the television off, only for a barrage of lean crocodilian and chameleon ladies to suddenly feature on screen. “Huh? This tape seems oddly specific, don’t it?” Vector’s suspicions were really heightened now, but it was too late to stop the hypnosis from taking hold.

“Vector, somethin’s got my head!” Espio screeched, making Vector shudder from the pitch as he fought off his own confusion. “Ya tellin’ me, Espio! It’s like some sorta pounding headache that buzzes and just won’t go aw--argh!” He clutched his head as the spell tightened its grip on them. “Can’t…think…too…well…Vector…” Espio struggled to form a coherent sentence, as alien thoughts ran through his head. ‘Don’t you want to just ogle the ladies with your buddy, there?’ ‘Bananananana!’ ‘Ooh, candy booger!’ ‘Who cares about being smart about things when you can just sit and stare like a good little dumbo!’ ‘It’s fun just letting someone else do my thinking!’ ‘Is Vector there? Can he sit on me?’ ‘SNAP’. There was no more deliberation, as their minds caved in from the pressure and they succumbed to the spell. All they could do, and all they wanted to do, was take in the mental junk to fuel their obedient stupidity. Drool dripped from the corner of their lips as they stared vacantly and obliviously at the television.

The lynx came back into the main area to see if his spell had come into effect, yet. Sure enough, both of his victims were sat at the couch, fixated on the screen. “Well, I’m to have to move them if we’re gonna set up the money press. Tibbles, I need your help in moving these brainless buffoons to the basement and securing them!” The tiger rushed in as he prepared to standby for specific orders. The lynx turned to Vector and Espio. “Now, my blissful audience” he began with a shifty tone in his voice, “I know you’ll quite comfortable just sitting on here and vegetating, but lil’ol’ Jinx needs you to move along. Would you kindly mind escorting yourselves to your new prison while I get things done up here? I would appreciate it immensely.” He beckoned them to rise up, and they complied with incoherent grunts since they didn’t even have the capability to talk in their hexed state. The tiger then lead them both to the basement of the office.

The lion came in to observe what was happening. “Ah, Jinx. Is everything going according to plan?” “Indeed, Don Leon! Tibbles is just chaining up the reptiles right now, and we just need to move some of the garbage in with them to set up the money press.” The lion looked at him thoughtfully. “I see, and what about the spell? How long does it last?” “Oh, the spell itself only lasts for eight hours at most, but the sheer lack of energy afterwards is sure to keep them placid for much longer than that!” he finished with a loud and maniacal laugh, much more excited than his usual laughs. “Good.” the lion simply retorted. “Don’t just stand there laughing, though; move the press in! I want operations up and running as soon as possible!

Would you believe that this next update has two of the shortest chapters in the story? What can I say, these detectives are very good at outwitting dumb goonies! Observe as we get near to restoring the status quo...somewhat.

Oh, whatever, I've no idea where to go with summary. The chapters!





Chapter Fourteen; Confined In Chains



There was a stench going up his nostrils as he struggled to wake up. Espio tried to get up, until he realised he was already up; he and Vector had been chained to a pole in the basement! ’Oh, ain’t this just great’ he thought, and sighed. “Yo Vector, wake up buddy! We’re in a bot of peril here!” Vector also struggled to come around, still quite sluggish from the spell’s side effects. “Remind me never to trust another stranger, who just decides to walk uninvited into our office ever again, Espio” He then noticed that he was in chains. “Oh, ain’t this just great.” he sighed, unknowingly ironically. The rest of the basement was filled up to the ceiling with machines and counterfeit notes, ready to be used against the unassuming public. There was also a very large cannon, seemingly primed to shoot immense masses of projectiles. The door to the basement opened, and the lion and the tiger came down. Their footsteps were heavy on the wooden stairs, and the banisters creaked from old age. The lion approached Espio with a sly smile on his face, holding some trinkets in his paw.

“Oh, aren’t we just dandy hanging around, gentlemen.” he teased, holding a finger to Espio’s horn. “I thought you’d be more deadly than this chameleon, but I guess without your Ninjutsu, you’re just another scaly slob!” Espio snorted at this comment. “I may be a slob, but at least I ain’t no scumbag criminal like you, kitty!” The lion was angry that he had just had his status as don of the feline Mafia insulted. “Kitty? Don’t push your luck, chameleon, or I’ll make sure you’re humiliated thoroughly!” Again, Espio seemed disinterested in his words. “Can’t be as humiliatin’ as this.” He then whipped out his tongue and lashed the lion’s face with it. “Oh…yeuck! Tibbles, get Cheats to bring some ‘food’ down. We’ll make sure we break this chameleon before the day is out” “Um, what about me, fellas?” “Shut it, crocodile.”

When the cheetah came down with the lard, the lion regained his composure and scooped up some of it into his hand. “Ah, so we’re so intent on just resisting when in such a dangerous situation.” He shoved the lard into Espio’s mouth, preventing him from speaking. “Oy, that’s my best friend yah stuffin’ there, pussycat!” Vector yelled angrily at the lion. “And it’s you too now, crocodile!” he just as angrily responded, shoving lard in Vector’s mouth to prevent him from speaking as well. “Now then chameleon, a little lesson in obedience would do you some good.” He prodded at Espio’s protruding stomach. “I see you’ve let yourself go a bit for one thing, but I guess you’d be more compliant if you couldn’t move as fast.” The tiger and cheetah both laughed at Espio’s helplessness to refute the insults. “I guess it’s what that crocodile would want though; a weak-minded, unfit pawn to use as he pleased. You really think he wants to be your friend when he’s got other stronger associates he could mingle with?” The lion spat on his face. “Working for our feline Mafia would at least mean you wouldn’t be an absolute joke, wouldn’t you say?” Espio just stuck his snout up at this, still defiant against the lion.

“Oh, fine then. Cheats, the collar!” The cheetah picked up a silver chain and passed it to the lion. “If you want a reminder of how much of a slave you are, you can have one!” He fastened the chain around Espio’s, and it was tight. He had expected Espio to be angry at this insult to his freedom, writhing to be free of it. Instead, despite being unable to talk, he and his cronies could tell that he was…admiring it, almost seeming to be thankful for it. “What? Tibbles, why would chaining him up even further please him?” “I dunno, Don Leon” The tiger replied. “Maybe he’s into…you know…” “Or maybe” the cheetah interrupted, “It just so happens to match his oh-so-precious crocodilian friend’s collar to a tee?” The lion began to really lose his temper now that he realise that he wouldn’t be able to break Espio no matter what he did. “What are you chameleon, a reject? Was your egg dropped as a baby? Were you raised by crocodiles? That’s it, you’re a no-hoper. I hope you and your teddy bear will enjoy your one way flight to obscurity, because in 48 hours, that cannon over there will fire, and you’ll be the passengers!” he maniacally laughed as he ordered his two cronies out of the basement. “Don’t worry, we’ll come back to see you off. Ciao for now!” The lion hopped up the stairs as he taunted them one last time and shut the door, leaving them nothing but faded lantern light.

It took Vector and Espio a while to chew through the lard in their current position, but they were eventually able to talk again. “Man, what’s that guys problem?” Vector wondered what the lion had against him, as he seemed very intent on making Espio turn against him. “Whatever it is, I’m guessin’ he doesn’t get out very much. In fact, he almost seems jealous that I’m your best friend an’ not his.” They both laughed, until Espio fell suddenly silent, and Vector resultantly followed suit. “I am your best friend, right? No stronger ‘sociates that ya’d rather mingle with?” Vector tutted and smiled, even though Espio couldn’t see it. “Espio, the only stronger ‘sociates ‘round ‘ere are that fish-brained cat that hangs out with the toad an’ an echidna that’d rather hang out with the first guy to show him what freedom really is. Ya think I’d rather be with them than you?” Espio was reassured with these words, and he smiled. “Now, that cannon fires in slightly less than two days. We can rest for now, an’ then plan our escape.”





Chapter Fifteen; Cannon Conundrum



After they had rested, Vector and Espio started planning their attack on the feline Mafia. They couldn’t tell what day it was, or even what time of day it was, but they knew it’d be very close once they came back down to the basement. “As long as those creeps don’t come back down any time soon, we should be able to work out a way outta here” Vector finally said. He was obviously frustrated at his confines, as he was trying to wriggle them of in vain. “Relax, Vector. You needn’t struggle, since I gots us a perfect way outta here!” “Wait, ya planned in ya sleep?!” “Hey, ya didn’t pay for me to study to be a ninja for nothin’ y’know! Ninjas can do that!” Vector was sceptical of his claim. “Ya sure ‘bout that?” “ ‘Course I’m sure…alright, no. No, ninjas can’t do that.” “Thought not. Still a great trick to plan it so quickly.”

Espio noticed that they were wasting time by arguing like brothers over this minor triviality, so he moved right onto the point. “Anyway, speaking of ninjas, I was thinkin’. Those cat cronies sure do like to show off. D’ya think they’d be able to resist tryin’ to prove that they’re more agile an’ cunnin’ than me?” Vector grinned, catching onto Espio’s idea. “Hmm, I guess not. But how could they would that be fair if y’were tied up in chains?” His voice was dripping with so much sarcasm; a spoon could cut through it if it physically manifested. “I see ya got the point. After that, we’ll just need the cannon an’ we can clean up all our mess!” “Good one, pal!” Vector complimented Espio enthusiastically, giving him a much needed ego boost. “I’ll attract their attention near the time the cannon’s set t’fire. We’ll be done in no time flat!” Espio caught wind of the tense that Vector was using, and realised what the problem was. “Yeah, we do need more energy. Us lizards really shouldn’t be confined to rooms without sweet UV rays.” He and Vector then took another rest, plan ready, and hopeful of having more energy nearer the time.

When they came around the second time, they were much more vigilant. The smoke coming from the cannon indicated that it was near blowing time, and the feline Mafia was at work upstairs, preparing to pack and export their counterfeit notes. “Ready t’rumble, pal?” Vector motioned to Espio. “Couldn’t be more ready if I tried, buddy!” Vector then began screeching at an eardrum piercing pitch; his habit of musical addiction had made him quite adept with sonar. He kept it up for a good while, until the noise force the tiger and the puma to head down into the basement and try to control the situation. “Alright, wise guy? Who gave you permission to racket off like that?” growled the puma, annoyed that his sensitive ears were ringing. “Oh, sorry bub. It’s just that I was annoyed at the chameleon. He kept yappin’ on about how much better he was than me physically.” “Ya know I am, crocodile. I’m probably better than anyone in the office, too!” The tiger and the puma took offence at this claim. “Oh, you reckon? Why don’t you try fighting us, then?” “I would, but I’m chained up, remember?” “Oh, right, sorry, we’ll just undo your chains and we can duke it out properly.” The tiger proceeded to loosen Espio’s chains, and he became free. “Alright, chameleon, show us what you’ve got!”

In an ironic move, Espio didn’t do that; In fact, he went completely invisible! The tiger and puma were worried and confused by his sudden disappearance, and punched in every direction they could. Espio then simply delivered kick after kick to their bodies as they tried in vain to catch him. After a knockdown, the tiger lamented “Gee, trust a chameleon to do that. Reptile’s sure are slippery customers!” Espio continued dealing blow after blow, weakening them until they knocked out properly. “Well, wasn’t that just a bit easy.” He pouted at the two goons, disappointed that they hadn’t put up more of a fight. “Then again, they ain’t exactly dimensional-monster strong, are they?”

Espio moved over to the other side of the pole he had been on and loosened Vector’s chains, freeing him as well. “Great work, Espio! Now, time for phase two?” “Time for phase two.” Espio pointed to the cannon, which seemed even closer to blowing. “Those hairbrains shoved all the garbage down here. Start to load it into the cannon along with our two guests, here.” Vector nodded and started to pick up garbage. “I’m gonna confront the little megalomaniac and his other two henchman, personally.” He started to make his way upstairs when Vector called to him from behind. “Just wanted to wish you good luck, Espio.” Espio grinned, revealing his sharp teeth for the first time. “Thanks, buddy!”

Updates, again! The story is nearing it's finale, and you know what that means, right? We get to see canon characters again, after these two chapters! It'll be a sigh of relief, I'm sure!





Chapter Sixteen; Liberation, In A Different Way!



The lion had met with another Mafia boss about the counterfeit money and its distribution. This man was a coyote, and appeared to dislike the lion. “So, you reckon you’ve got the perfect crime?” “Sure! With this place made up into a headquarters of operation, no one will suspect that the money is fake, and we’ll be set to make a fortune!” The lion was eager to impress the coyote, emphasising the last part especially. “Are you sure you got rid of any witnesses though?” The coyote wanted to make absolutely sure that nothing could go wrong. “Absolutely! In the meantime, how about a coffee? Cheats, Jinx, get here now!” The cheetah and lynx came into the office. “Make yourselves useful and get the good man a coffee!” Neither of them responded to the lion’s words. “I said, get a coffee! Now!” They still didn’t respond. Instead, they fell to the floor, unconscious. “What on Earth is up you two clowns? Why won’t you get him a coffee?” the lion screamed exasperated, before actually looking at where they once stood. “Ya kitties had some debt to pay, an’ ya knows we detectives don’t like it when we ain’t paid!”

With that, the lion got a swift kick to the face, and Espio was standing over him. “Aw, does it suck to be unprotected? Too bad, chump!” The lion got back onto his feet as the coyote looked on in horror. “You said that there we no witnesses!” “There aren’t” the lion insisted, “None that will remain to protest against us, anyway.” He then lashed at Espio, clawing his leg and bringing him crashing to the ground. “Grr, hey!” “Now who’s the chump, chameleon?” the lion laughed as Espio struggled to stand up. The lion clawed him again and sent him hurtling back. Espio responded by using his tongue to thrash the lion, making him gag. “Ew, reptile slime, again! That’s it, I’m gonna make sure you don’t see the day out!” With this, the lion punched at Espio, dazing him so that he couldn’t do anything. “Thank goodness for that.”

The lion turned to the coyote again. Now that Espio was dizzy, he wasn’t able to fight back at all. “Now that he’s no longer a threat, we might as well move all of this precious moolah out and release it to the public!” He hopped over to where the biggest pile of money should have been. Should have, but there was blank floor space where it had been. “Wait, what happened to the counterfeit money?” He looked around the place, confused as to where it had gone. The coyote was unimpressed by the lion’s apparent incompetence, and shook his head. “Don Leon, you’ve always been all talk and no show.” The lion panicked and tried to reassure the coyote that he was still in control. “O-Of course not, Chestnut! I’m all about the show, it’s just got making a grand introduction like you’d never comprehend!” He turned away from the coyote for a second to speak to himself. “Now where, oh where, did that money go?” A voice answered his questions. “Right down ‘ere in the cannon, pussycat!”

Both the lion and the coyote turned to face Vector, who was standing by the open trapdoor to the basement. “While you was too busy trying to convince your dog that you were anythin’ but a bag of hot air, I went an’ stuffed all the cash in the cannon, along with the garbage an’ two of ya dodo henchmen! You’re next!” The lion recoiled at Vector’s words. “No! No, my operation cannot be undone so easily, crocodile! Why, I’m going to scratch you, and claw you, and spit on you and make you p--” Vector cut him off by simply hoisting him into his jaws. The lion’s muffled screams could be heard, trying as hard as he could to free himself from Vector’s grip. “Well, I’m not sticking around this bombshell. See ya, Leon!” the coyote snarkily laughed as he rushed to the entrance. An audio screech stopped him in his tracks however, and he span around in terror as Espio was using his headphones to emit an intense sound wave, limping over to where he stood as he did so. “Goin’ so quickly? Eat this!” Espio then breathed down the coyote’s nose. This was too much to bear for his ultra-sensitive nose, and he passed out from the smell.

“Looks like it’s time for ya to ride the one-way train outta here, pussycat!” Vector said as he had the lion by the scruff of his neck. He walked down the steps to a now-clear basement, and tossed the lion effortlessly into the cannon. Espio couldn’t manage to drag any of the other three bodies, so Vector had to go back up and help him down, dragging the three bodies with his jaws. The lion was trying furiously to climb out, but was forced back down as the bodies collided with him when Vector hurtled them in. “Only a few seconds left ‘til the cannon goes. Any last words, kitty?” Espio hissed at him, relishing the torment. “I can’t be defeated! I won’t be defeated! You scummy, slimy, sneaky, scaly, sarcastic sleazes will pay for your interference!” The lion screamed in fury. “Well, look on the bright side; At least that debt is paid now, right?” Vector retorted, smirking as he did so. With great timing, the cannon then fired, sending all of its content flying and scattering elegantly through the air, to somewhere very far away.

Now that the feline Mafia was gone, Vector and Espio could get rid of the remaining machinery in peace. Espio, however, was still limping from the injuries that the lion had inflicted on him, so Vector moved him up to the couch after going up to the noticeboard and using the telephone. “Ya should really rest here while I move tha’ press and cannon outta here. That list of takeaways just happened to have the number of a rag an’ bone man, so he should be ‘ere soon to pick ‘em up.” He then went upstairs to bring Espio his stuffed crocodile to rest with. There were still some remaining notes spread about, so he picked them up and tossed them in the bin.

Once the junk dealer had been and paid for the machinery, Vector finally settled down with Espio. “Those chumps didn’t hurt ya too bad, did they?” he said as he brought Espio’s head onto his lap. “Don’t think so, but I am still a bit nauseous. Musta been that punch…” Espio’s eyelids grew heavy as he spoke, and Vector brought his snout to Espio’s. “Well then, you shouldn’t stay awake if that’s how ya feel. Y’know what they say, sleep is best medicine!” “They say that sleep cures everythin’, Vector, but the best medicine is laughter, ain’t it?” Vector gave him a flummoxed look. “What can I say? I ain’t gots no PhD in sayings, ‘ave I?” he moaned as he pouted. This was enough to send Espio in a fit of giggles, amused at how over-the-top Vector was expressing himself. “Hey, either saying works in your case! Now, you really oughta get some sleep, pal.” Vector faded to a whisper, and Espio got the message. He slowly shut his eyes and drifted off, clinging to both his stuffed crocodile and Vector’s tail. “G’night, buddy” he struggled to mouth off before he was completely out of it. “G’night pal.” Vector just sat there, waiting for himself to drift off as he watched Espio peacefully sleep in his lap. He had a blissful expression on his face, reflecting the fact he was enjoying being in Vector’s company and having him as a carer and friend. ‘I guess, tomorrow, we could party hard like we dids before. I’m sure he’d enjoy that. I’d enjoy it, anyway.’ He kept running his plans for the next through his head, until he finally succumbed to Espio’s serene aura and became tranquil.





Chapter Seventeen; Familiarity?



The woodland creatures scattered as footsteps vibrated along the ground. The frogs and other swamp-dwelling creatures realised that someone was approaching, and dived into the water to try and avoid danger. One dragonfly was brave, and stayed to observe what was happening. What it saw were reptilian forms, racing towards the swamp, and shouting things that were complete nonsense to it. “Watson, Moriarty headed this way! He’s made off with the crown jewels!” yelled Vector. “I called the police and they’re on standby! He won’t get away with this nefarious deed with you on the case, Holmes!” The dragonfly buzzed in panic, and tried to get cover under some bulrushes. Alas, as they were running into the swamp, they flattened the bulrushes and the dragonfly was injured, nearly drowning in the process.

It was the next day; day…’whatever, but it’s near the end somewhere’ of the experiment. Now that Espio had recovered from the fight for the office, he and Vector were enjoying their free time by splashing childishly in the swamps and role-playing a mock-up of a Holmes story. “There he is! In the bushes!” Espio hollered, making sure that he did it within inches of Vector. “Alright then Watson, I’m gonna go in an’ fight him like a man should do!” Vector then dived straight into the swamp. Espio looked around, to see where Vector had swum to, but had no luck. He became concerned that he couldn’t find him, and waded around to try and bump into him. Just as he was about to panic, Vector leapt out of the bracken water and jumped at him. This startled him a lot, but they both laughed their heads off, once Espio had recovered from the shock.

After a little bit more splashing and playing, they eventually settled down and lay on a jutting rock over the swamp. “Yeah, I had to pull you outta the swamp. So cute with that little mud mask, y’know.” Vector sighed to himself, ignoring the fact that both he and Espio were covered from top to toe in sludgy residue from the bottom of the swamp. “Y’said that before.” Espio said, dipping his toe into the water. “An’ then ya went on about how you made me look stupid with that clown face thin’.” Espio suddenly got an idea, and got up. Vector sat up, watching as Espio ran silently into the bushes. He wondered what he was up to, while counted the seeds on nearby dandelions to pass the time. When Espio came back, he had a bucket of water in his hand. “Yo Vec, I just popped down to the stream t’gets some water.” “Whatever for, Esp?” Vector asked, perplexed by Espio’s behaviour. Espio then jumped at Vector, and pinned him down to the rock. “For this!”

Espio picked up a large sponge-like object from the bucket, and began to wash Vector’s body down. He started by massaging the torso, before moving onto the arms and legs. Vector began to smirk, as he was a little bit ticklish in those areas. Sensing this, Espio moved onto the hands and feet, which made Vector burst with jovial screams, as he was even more sensitive in those areas. He then rubbed down the tail soothingly, and plopped the sponge back into the bucket. “There, now y’have a nice mud mask like the one you gaves me sixteen years ago.” Before Vector could comment, he then brought out a smaller cloth-like object and rubbed carefully at the face. He cleared certain areas off, before leaning back and admiring his handiwork. “An’ now, you have a clown face!” Vector checked his reflection in the water in the bucket, and saw that he did have clown-like markings. Espio was laughing merciless at Vector for a moment, before Vector thought up a downright cruel way of getting him back.

He grabbed Espio’s shoulders suddenly and tossed him to the ground, making him the one now lying on the ground. Vector grabbed the bucket for himself and began to do on Espio what Espio had just done to him. He repeated everything from the torso massage to making Espio scream in joy, up until he had done with the sponge and had formed a mud mask. “There’s ya mud mask from years ago, but I guess you ain’t no clown now…” he chuckled as he grabbed the cloth from the bucket. This time, instead of the clown markings that Espio had remembered, Vector seemed to be doing a different pattern. He wiped mud off areas through delicate swishes, making sure to avoid hurting Espio’s delicate facial features as he swiped. Once he had done, he told Espio to look at his reflection in the water. Espio did so, and noticed that he had altogether different markings. “Eyelashes? Eye shadow? Blush? Lipstick?! Vector, ya made me look like a girl!” “A princess to be precise.” Vector corrected, giggling at his latest and greatest idea.

Espio decided to embrace the markings, and grabbed the nearest large bulrush leaves to form a sort of grassy skirt for himself. “Well my prince, a fair maiden like m’self can’t possibly risk achin’ her poor, naked feet in these conditions! May ya be a gentleman and carry me to my castle?” Vector kept giggling as he responded “Absolutely, my darlin’ princess!” They were both in hysterics as Vector lifted Espio up and carried him in his arms. “An’ when we get home, we’re gonna binge, an’ jam, an’ watch TV, an’ sleep like a couple of sleepin’ beauties, right?” Espio asked with glee in his voice. “Absolutely. An’ with man-in-waitin’ Crocky, of course.” They kept continuing on home, chatting, singing and laughing all the way there, and well into the night.

Wow, a week since I last updated! I've been having a lot of trouble with Word, but now that it's fixed I bet you're dying to hear the end of the story! [/sarcasm]

So, after 23,000 words, 148 paragraphs and a lot of madness, here are the last three chapters of "Time Crawls When You're Not Detecting!"




Chapter Eighteen; Reality Check!



Charmy was waiting outside of the office, with his now empty shoulder bag, along with several G.U.N soldiers. In his arms he held a large box, and in the box was a small fraction of Espio’s Ninjutsu equipment. “Thanks for giving me a ride back to the office, Mr. Commander, sir!” Charmy said to the Commander. He looked worriedly at the office that Charmy was about to head back into, and awkwardly smiled as he turned his head back to the small boy. “No thanks needed, son. It was in our best interests to escort you home and assure that you were completely safe”. Charmy buzzed with glee and flew up into the air. “Just to let you know, there will be a review meeting at fourteen-thirty, so make sure to tell the other Chaotix workers and gather sharp at that time.” The Commander made his way back to the nearby van, with G.U.N soldier steadily moving possessions outside of the van and to the office walls. “Hey, I think I’ll tell them right now! Then they can come out and do some formalities before the meeting!” Charmy flew back down to near the ground and started hovering towards the door. “See you in a minute!” When Charmy was inside, the Commander ordered all of his soldiers to be on guard and take cover if necessary.

Charmy was rather surprised when he got inside; nobody appeared to be awake, despite the fact that today was supposed to be the day they got their prized possessions back. He was also surprised at how much the place stunk; he didn’t expect it to be smelling of flowers, but didn’t expect it to be this bad, either. He decided to suppress the thought and get onto more pressing matters, like a good detective. ‘Gee, I guess they must have panicked themselves to sleep! Guess I should drop this off to Espio first then!’ he thought as he found that the office area was empty. He checked in the main area. Empty. He checked in the kitchen. Also empty. He checked in the pantry out of sheer curiosity. “Oh, they left their shoes in here!” Satisfied that they weren’t anywhere downstairs, he flew up to the upstairs loft, hoping to find them in their bedrooms. “I guess if I want to find Espio, I should check in Espio’s bedroom, as they say!”

He had no idea what this meant, but he saw Espio’s tired out body lying in the bed, regardless. He quietly flew over to the foot of his bed, box in hand, and landed at the bottom end of the mattress. Despite being quiet, Espio could tell that there was someone there, but at first jus assumed that Vector had come in to say hello, as per usual. “Mornin’, Vector” he yawned, eyes still shut, “Did ya get the newspaper in? I wanna see if Rouge is still streakin’, that batty woman.” By now, he was sat up, but still unable to see. Charmy knew what Espio was talking about as he had also read about it during the week, but he was taken aback at how unsophisticated his dialect seemed. “Espio!” he whispered, sneaking close to Espio’s earhole to gently notify him of his return. “The events over, now! That means I’m back, and so is your Ninjutsu stuff! Some of it’s in this box, right here!” He held the box up as Espio gave another large yawn and his eyes slowly flickered open.

One G.U.N soldier toppled back in shock at what was unfolding in front of him and his comrade. The first thing he had heard was a vicious and blood-curdling shriek along with a youthful and terrified scream, before a deep voice screeched “What?! It can’t be, not now, not when things were so perfect! Stupid pest, I’ll throttle ya good, y’hear?!” The next thing he knew, the whole building was alive with bangs and crashes, booms and clatters, bashes and crunches. Charmy was, in actuality, trying to flee from Espio, not knowing why he had suddenly turned on him for returning his stuff. It wasn’t long until a more gravelly, crocodilian voice began adding to the hectic commotion, apparently on the side of the deep voice as the high-pitched wails became louder and more urgent. “Guys! Guys, what are you doing?! Have you lost your marbles?! Were the weapons rigged?! Somebody, HELP ME!” The G.U.N soldier then yelped in shock as Charmy came hurtling out of the door.

“Oh man, oh man! They’re trying to kill me! Can you guys talk some sense into them, I think my words aren’t working!” Charmy gasped out as he gripped the seam of the Commander’s jacket. “Well Charmy, from what I could gather on the seventh day, they were adjusting very comfortably to a life with responsibility temporarily withheld. Espio especially seemed to enjoy it, to the point that he was undergoing psychological changes even back then. It simply seems that these changes have fully manifested themselves into full-blown personality traits. Now, there must have been an underlying root for this behaviour, or he wouldn’t have found a niche so easily. Suppose that he had a history of being this way. He may have idolised Vector for some time, imitating his behaviour in the hopes of becoming like him, one day. If taking up ninja training covered up this sub-conscious attitude, it’s very much possible that being deprived of said Ninjutsu allowed these traits to manifest themselves in his head once again and encouraged him to resume his idolisation, resulting in an unprecedented reaction when the wall between both personas broke and his old personality rejected the personality he had formed through his studies.” The Commander, after explaining what had happened, looked down to see Charmy looking fed up. “Oh great, now I’m worried and bored of your speeches! Wait, why didn’t you explain this before I came back and tried to coax Espio out of bed with the promise of shurikens?” he sternly asked, calling out the Commander on his lack of foresight.

Before the Commander could answer, Vector and Espio came bounding out of the building. They had finally put on their shoes for who knows how long, and were looking at Charmy with rage in their eyes. Charmy glanced at the Commander, and then realised that he wasn’t going to anywhere with him helping. “Guys, stop! You’re acting like imbeciles! We can talk about this!” Vector and Espio kept staring at time, primed to leap at him and maul him. Eventually, they agreed to talk, albeit through sharp, gritted teeth. “Charmy, ya didn’t even bother t’stick it out with the team! How can ya be called a close associate when ya won’t even spend two weeks takin’ part in challenges properly?” Vector complained to Charmy. “Not that y’were needed, though. Espio was all the company I needed!” He hoisted Espio up and cuddled him. Espio blushed profusely at this show of affection and hugged him back. Charmy, not quite believing what he was seeing could only stare bemused and silently mutter “Wow, looks like you guys really went off your rocker while I was gone. You should have insisted I stayed as an acting supervisor…” “Yeah, ya should have seen what we did; rocked out for hours at a time, ate so much food that our stomachs could burst, vegetated watchin’ TV, had fart contests, we even held off a gang of mobster felines that tried t’besiege the office to use as a counterfeiting base!” Espio bounced up and down excitedly in Vector’s arm, almost sounding as if his voice was going to break into tune.

The Commander could scarcely believe the last part, but things had been so crazy around here that they could have been abducted by space ducks and lobotomised, and it’d just be another mundane activity. “Anyway, Chaotix Detective Agency, head to the headquarters at fourteen-thirty sharp. I’ll be bidding you adieu, now.” He hurried over to the van, which was wheeled into the helicopter and flown off. Charmy turned to his colleagues, annoyed that they had let go of their discipline and conduct without him being there to make sure they were in check. “No wonder you seem to have put on weight with all your bingeing. And no wonder this place stinks, you’ve been doing everything possible to make it atrocious!” He zipped to one of the boxes and pulled out several cleaning products “Before we head to that meeting, we’ve got some major sprucing up to do!” He flew to the doorway, and turned around to see that Vector and Espio were begrudgingly following his lead, disappointed that they couldn’t have more fun. “I guess this is why you were always the dozy duo to me” Charmy sighed.




Chapter Nineteen; Insanity Has No Restraint, Unless You’re Charmy



At the headquarters, the Commander looked on as the subjects were slowly gathering in the base. Knuckles, despite his previous spat, had gathered his composure and was now pretty relaxed. “Well” he explained to the Commander, “When I had some clear thoughts between losing it, I wondered if Sonic would allow me to just let me hang out with him for the week. I mean, anything was better than nothing at all. As arrogant as he is, I guess he’s a nice bloke. Had some great sight-seeing tours out of it, too!” he laughed as he had a swig of some more of his grape juice. The Commander, while pleased that he wasn’t on a rampage, was disappointed that he couldn’t call on Knuckles to be completely dedicated to his duties. “I guess that’s why you’ve been neglecting your duties to save to world a lot, recently.” He had a sip of his coffee, before adding, “As long as Sonic doesn’t start following you, though…” This remark caught Knuckles off guard, and he stopped drinking his juice to try and contemplate what he was saying.

The other subjects hadn’t fared so well. Rouge was crouched in a corner, mumbling something about jewels and moon rocks. Shadow and Omega, being artificial and therefore less vulnerable to normal infliction, could only watch on and hope that she recovered once she had her jewels back in her grasp. “I’ll never understand this mortal attachment to material possessions, will you?” Shadow mumbled to Omega. “Negative, but recorded evidence suggests that I am classed as a material possession, and readings of Epsilon brainwave activities show that your own mind receives a surrogate boost when I am around.” Shadow huffed, and smacked Omega across his forehead, signalling that he wanted him to drop the conversation. Meanwhile, Fang was pacing up and down, pretending to be wielding a gun and shooting away. “Yeah, take that, yer goody two-shoes!” he laughed menacingly. He then pretended that he had been shot by a rival gunman, and sprawled himself on the ground. “Oh, do stand up before your royal princess!” Blaze agitatedly spoke to him, herself having gone around the bend. She was insisting on claiming everything as her own to rule, and made inanimate objects into her loyal kingdom. “I don’t even know how she got them in here without carrying them” the Commander commented to one of the soldier. Amidst these shenanigans, Knuckles noticed someone else enter the room. “Hey, it’s Charmy!”

Charmy flew through the doorway, looking bemused. “Mr Commander, sir! We’ve made it for fourteen-thirty! Is the meeting about to start?” The Commander smiled, confirming that the meeting was indeed about to start. Rouge stood up, having sharply shaken off her insanity after realising that his presence meant that she had her job back. “Well sweetie, you seem to be in good condition. Did you have a good time occupying yourself with fun and games, like a kid usually does?” Charmy nodded. “Yeah, the two weeks were fun, fun, fun!” He then lowered his voice. “Not so sure if it was worth the afterparty, though.” He then hovered over to a seat, sitting down patiently to wait for everyone else. Fang was lured to his seat with the promise of it being a prime spot to snipe down his newest target, and Blaze was tricked into believing her seat to be a throne.

Once they were all in the seats, the Commander began the review. “As you know, I have called you all here one last time to get your reflection on the experiment. So, any comments before I give the G.U.N analysis? “Yeah, move it or yer’ll be hit by my bullet!” Fang threatened, still pretending to have his magnum in hand. “I have one!” chirped Charmy, “Will we get counselling for this? I’ve noticed that not all of us are quite with it, yet!” He pointed to Blaze, who took offence at his implication. “Humph! One should not point rudely at a princess!” “They’ll recover once they have their possessions back, they all do.” replied the Commander, predicting all too accurately that Charmy would give him the most doubtful stare he’d ever seen.

“Now, our analysis shows that, on general, there was a breakdown in all of you by the middle of the week. Given this, we have calculated that the average dedication to responsibility is around 84.6%. Exception can be taken for Charmy, as he…well…he was craftier than I thought he would be.” Charmy swung his legs and giggled. “After this, there was a clear split of approaches to the second week. Some took their time to find a temporary solution, to cushion the descent of madness. Others, being so dedicated, simply went with it and fell into madness. This shows a commitment far beyond that of their more level-headed peers.” Knuckles, Shadow and Omega simply sneered at this. “Hey, we did what we could to get by! Isn’t that dedication, too?” Knuckles yelled to the Commander. “It shows that you don’t dedicate yourself completely to the duties, not to the point of insanity anyway. I don’t need you being so snappy with me about it!” “Speaking of which” Shadow interjected, breaking up the argument before it could escalate, “There’s a snappy character grooving through the door, right now.”

They all turned to the doorway to see Vector strutting in, headphones at full blast, consuming a cheeseburger. This brought Fang and Blaze back around as they saw him in all his casual foolery. “I should have known he’d be late.” Rouge lamented, evidently not liking his presence. “Aw, let off Rouge. He may be quite rude, but he’s the jamming, hungry and detective-obsessed croc we all know and love!” Charmy had quietly slunk away from his seat at this point, but the others were nodding in agreement. “Hmm, I guess you have a somewhat valid point, Blaze.” Shadow said slyly. “Don’t forget desperate for money though!” added Fang, well aware of the irony. Knuckles, having looked over to the doorway again, turned to Blaze quite bewildered. “Hey, that’s the jamming, hungry and detective-obsessed croc we all know and love too, Blaze. I don’t remember him being available in chameleon sizes!” They turned back to the doorway, and they saw Espio following Vector in. Following being the ideal word; he was also strutting in, headphones on full blast, consuming a cheeseburger. Everyone else was in a state of puzzlement. “Is this some sort of performance? ‘Why Vector Is So Great: The Stage Show’, perhaps?” Blaze wondered aloud. “Why aren’t you in costume, Charmy?” Knuckles asked Charmy. “It’s not a stage show, something happened in the two weeks I was with the Lavender Courier Service! I really dunno what exactly happened, but it’s hit ‘em real bad!”

At that point, Vector came down to the seating area and greeted the Commander. “Hey! Nice t’see ya again!” ‘Oh great, now this is really gonna be embarrassing!’ Charmy thought to himself as Espio walked up to Rouge. “Huh, I though ya’d still be streakin’. Was it fun while it lasted?” Rouge recoiled in horror at the sheer bluntness of his words, as Shadow looked on bemused. ‘Yep, this is really embarrassing. Maybe I can finish the meeting, now…’ Charmy flew up to the Commander to get his attention. “So, can we wrap this meeting up now?” he asked impatiently. “Ah, right. Well folks, the experiment is now officially over! Your cheques will be in the post and you should receive them in three days time. We hope you have a safe journey home!” Team Dark walked to the door, followed closely by Fang. Knuckles and Blaze stayed behind to observe the Chaotix. “Man, did you take some serum, Espio? This isn’t like you!” Knuckles said, pointing to Espio’s headphones and glancing at the chain around his neck. “Oh, this is always how I’ve been, Knux!” Espio grabbed one of his dreads and pulled him down so his head was level with his waist. “That dis’plined and mature front ya seen me doin’? Complete front. I may be a ninja but I’d take my detective work over it, any day!” Charmy groaned at his boldness, and promptly changed the subject. “Well, it looks like the meeting’s over! We need to get back home!” Agreeing, all five of them headed to the door. ‘I’ll just write a declaration of supervision once we get there.’



Chapter Twenty; Case Closed




A gazelle thief ran through the town, having just stolen jewels from the bank. He knew the Chaotix would be on his tail; he’d ran into them several times before. Every time, he’d stay to see how frustrated the chameleon was with the leader’s immaturity and the bee’s childish nerve grating before trying to run off, usually caught out by their sheer luck. This time, he carried a lucky horseshoe to make sure that he’d be the one with luck on his side. He managed to run as far as four blocks before he a heard a familiar gravelly shout from behind him. ‘Dang, it’s that crocodile!’ he thought as he turned into an alleyway and called out, “You won’t get me this time, detective!”

He nearly tripped over a trashcan, but managed to luck out and keep his pace. He could hear heavy footsteps behind as Vector got ever closer to him. Unfortunately, he had just about reached a dead end as well. He turned to see Vector’s large form creeping ever closer. “Looks like the game’s up once again, Brockford! Why not hand y’self in this time, or will we have t’do our routine again?” Vector confidently spoke to him, a hint of intimidation in his voice. Despite this, the thief would not relent, and instead chose to try his luck. “Oh, whatever, detective! I can take you and your cronies on, any day of the week! Just do your role call, and then I’ll show you!”

Vector grinned at his defiance. “Oh, you think so? Well, don’t say we didn’t warns ya, ‘cause we are…!” He hopped back and took out a microphone. “ The Chaotix Detective Agency, an’ our job is to stop crooks like you being a threat to the general public! Before we stop ya well an’ truly, we may as well introduce ourselves, it’s only polite!” He did a jumping twist before landing with thumbs up. The thief just shrugged, bored of the same old stuff. “The name’s Vector the Crocodile! I’m the head honcho of these missions an’ I won’t stop ‘til the job’s done!” He grinned again, showing off his teeth. “I may be rough and tough and a little bad-tempered, but I can be nice when treated the right way. Shame ya rubbed me totally the wrong way!” The thief smirked as Vector wrapped up his segment and called Charmy over to do his.

The smirk vanished as he observed Charmy coming over; his childish innocent was gone, and his expression seemed to portray more of a solemn attitude. “Woo, I’m Charmy. I’m the cute mascot of the Chaotix Detective Agency.” He said in a monotonous drone, psyching out the thief somewhat. “I may be cuddly, but if you get me mad my stinger will make light work of you. I guess I should be Vector’s little follower, but I’m a little busy with my botany to notice.” The thief glared at the bee, easily able to see that he wasn’t all too enthusiastic about doing the role call in such a hammy way. “Oh, I suppose Espio needs to come and do his bit now. Guess I should drag him out since he’s so reluctant to do it.” As he flew over to a nearby cranny in the wall, the thief couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not.

At first, the thief could only make out his shoes as the bee tried to drag a seemingly defiant Espio out to introduce himself. “Oh thank goodness. Hey chameleon, your little kid here’s been creeping me out. I mean, he’s not been his usual hyper self, almost like his role of follower got nicked, or something…” Espio’s form was dragged closer. The thief could still only make out his lower torso, but he was still nervous. “Well, maybe we should carry on as normal, to ease your fears.” Espio softly whispered. He then leapt up into the air with grace and landed back down, just in front of the other two members. The thief was now regretting looking to him for reassurance, given that he had a wild grin on his face. Espio grasped the microphone off Vector, and span it in the air before speaking. “Name’s Espio the Chameleon! Resident ninja of the Agency, I hide in the shadows for any wannabe criminals to stumble into my path!” The thief backed up to the fence in desperation. “But if that won’t do, be sure t’expect a good whippin’ of m’tail, or even m’tongue! I’m Vector’s right hand man, so if ya do somethin’ to my buddy, I won’t be so merciful!” Charmy sighed in submission as Vector clapped excitedly and stepped forward. “Yeah, an’ likewise from me for my pal, so I’d say ya should give up now before y’get a lashin’ ya won’t forget any time soon!”

“Alright, alright, I give in! Have your jewels, arrest me, jail me!” The thief chucked the jewels at Vector’s feet. “Do whatever you have to, but just let me have some sense of normality!” The Chaotix could only watch as he slunk down to the ground. “I mean, what the heck, guys? What happened to the kiddy bee that used to annoy the reptiles? What happened to having to coax the chameleon into assisting on a mission even though it would probably lose him his dignity? And why aren’t you so bothered by it?” He remained curled up as the police caught up to the group and took him away for trial. As he got into the police van, Charmy fluttered over to him and whispered into his ear, “Honestly, I don’t know the answer to any of those questions, either.”

Later in the night, back at the office, Vector and Espio were celebrating a job well done. “That was our first client since the experiment finished! Soon, she’ll be payin’ us a good fifty bucks an’ we can go bingin’ again!” He then yawned, realising that he was very tired. “I guess we should all catch some zees, Vector. It’s been busy, t’day!” Espio beamed at him. “I think I’ll stay down here and get the mission notes written up,” Charmy added. Vector nodded as he took Espio up into his arms and headed upstairs. Given that there were footsteps to where Espio slept, he could only conclude that he was taking Espio to his own bedroom. Indeed, Vector had tucked themselves into his bed before giving Espio his stuffed crocodile to clutch. The last noises Charmy could hear were a few creaks before they spoke for the final time; “G’night pal.” “G’night, buddy.” After this, the office was silent, save for Charmy scribbling down the last of the notes and then flying to his own little bedroom to sleep in it for the first time in to weeks. On the notes, the last entry read like this;

“Mission: Jerome Brockford Strikes Again, 8:42pm;
We finally caught up to our target, and we found that he had the jewels that he was suspected of stealing. Although he would not budge after interrogation, some psychological tactics made for an easy interception of the jewels as he literally surrendered right then. After reflection, I guess it’s not surprising that things have turned out the way they have, given that Espio has been following Vector like Tails famously follows Sonic for most of his life. I should be looking into it more to understand where I stand in the scheme of thing, but for now I can say that it’s officially ‘CASE CLOSED’.”

Sweet! Continue writing; my advice is still, simply, try to make your chapters shorter.