Rants with Schnicky! (Ver. 2.0)

*Final Fantasy Victory Theme plays*

Heck yes, it's about time you make a huge return.

Who are you again?

Read the title. Chairman of Cheese and Sultan of Swing. The real question is: Why am I?

No. I hate you. You suck.

Aw, but I love you, army.

All right, RwS is back in business. There'll be a strict schedule of one rant per week or more. Suggestions are greatly appreciated. Today I had been originally planning to a rant related to Apple, but due to the certain circumstances, that seemed a bit tactless. Then again, who has ever known me to have tact? Not anyone in this star system, certainly. Except possibly my mother...... Nope, not her, either. In any case, I'm delighted to bring RwS back with this completely ad-libbed rant about...

Trees!

.....Trees? Well, I suppose that'll do for today as well as anything else, right? I do certainly have my complaints about trees, as I do with everything else on the planet, so I have no doubt about my ability to write a decent rant about them. Well, decent by my standards anyway. Now, I know they give us oxygen, and look nice, and blah blah blah, but they do have a ton of not-so-attractive qualities which people seem to overlook, just because they let us live or something. Firstly, the bugs. Everywhere. Maybe it's because they drop fruit, or make shade, but it always seems that as long as there is some sort of tree in the general vicinity of absolutely anything, an enormous amount of various insects are mindlessly attracted to it. Ants, spiders, ticks, fleas, flies, junebugs, bees, cicadas, and more, all there to make your life miserable. Ants bite you. Spiders bite you. Ticks.... bite you. Fleas bite your dog. Flies are just annoying. Junebugs and cicadas make as much noise as is considered humane by my local government. Bees.. well, I just don't like them. Bugs should not be fuzzy. Or buzz, for that matter. Next, the roots. The roots that seem to be consistently attracted to my drip system piping. Countless, well, three, times I have had to dig a hole, bend out the busted pipe, find a replacement, glue it back into a position with which the tree agrees, and fill the hole back in. In the heat. It's October for God's sake! Why the cheese is it still 110 degrees outside?! Another problem is the fact that trees are egotistical. I have come to this conclusion by the fact that they block off the sun from any plants in the area, causing their death, they seep all the water from my drip system from any and all forms of life, and they insist that shooting their little babies EVERYWHERE is a decent thing to do and that it is something that can better society. I don't think so, trees, I don't think so. Lastly, the pine needles. Granted, this only with pine trees, but since I have pine trees the complaint is just as valid. It doesn't seem quite right that a single life form could possibly spread out so many little needles everywhere, but apparently someone decided it was and didn't kill the first pine tree all those years ago before it could make any more. They find their way into everything, give your lawn a nice brown blanket to kill it, and magically reappear approximately 6 minutes and 23 seconds after manage to get rid of them all in a given area. They make me mad.

Well, hopefully this random and spontaneous rant is enough to get you all interested in me again. Stay Cheesy, all!

Make a rant about communism and hippies, maybe at the same time if you're feeling daring.

Sorry, but I want to avoid religion, politics, sex, etc... I hope you understand.

Make a rant about.... Techolgy!

Man you just crushed my hopes and dreams. Can you rant about that?

Rant on hopes and dreams? Maybe...

But I've yet to see someone outsmart boolet.

If you came from where I came from, you'd be ***kin' dead.

What makes me a good Demopan?

Okay, It's that time of the week again, the time for Rants With Schnicky! The part of the week where Schnicky comes out and rants. Seeming as Tech Man wanted me to rant on something called "Techology", and I don't know what that is, I'm going to rant on something in this world that makes absolutely no sense at all. Something that costs people money, time, and attractiveness. Something which a certain set of people understand completely yet refuse to explain, and the other set watch on from a distance and wonder at what point they decided to become crazy. Was it gradual, or did they just wake up one morning and see the Joker in a mirror? In any case, today's rant is on the very touchy subject of...


Makeup! That's right, you know it. Any females on this forum like Mly and Hushimo understand this completely, but us guys will know why this rant is just so necessary. This falls under the category of "things I not only despise, but can't figure out for the life of me why it is necessary". Like ice skates, for example. Yeah, let's slide around on a cold, slippery, hard surface with knives on our feet! Makeup is just like that. Let's go out and spend a ton of money on ink and pencils that are way more expensive than they ought to be and then spend hours and hours drawing with it on our faces and either end up looking like a clown at some horrific birthday party or get angry and scrap it all and try again! ...... WHAT. This is one of the things which just baffles me to the restaurant at the end of the universe. Why is this necessary? I often find myself trapped in corners when my sisters ask me how they look, because I often can't tell if they're wearing makeup or not, and if I can tell it's because they look hideous. And of course if I guess wrong, then I'm in for a world of trouble. Oftentimes, girls look exactly the same when they put on makeup versus when they don't. And as I said, if you can tell the difference, then it's because they've put on way too much. And then when they cry, eat, get rained on, sleep, poop, shower, cut the cheese, open a door, use glue, et cetera, it all gets smeared and they feel even worse about themselves than they did before. And all this is for the small price of $124.99! I suppose I don't like it mainly because I don't get it, it costs a crapton of money, and when it's all said and done they were better off without it. Derp.

This is Schnicky, signing off.

Schnickelfritz wrote:Okay, It's that time of the week again, the time for Rants With Schnicky! The part of the week where Schnicky comes out and rants. Seeming as Tech Man wanted me to rant on something called "Techology", and I don't know what that is, I'm going to rant on something in this world that makes absolutely no sense at all. Something that costs people money, time, and attractiveness. Something which a certain set of people understand completely yet refuse to explain, and the other set watch on from a distance and wonder at what point they decided to become crazy. Was it gradual, or did they just wake up one morning and see the Joker in a mirror? In any case, today's rant is on the very touchy subject of...


Makeup! That's right, you know it. Any females on this forum like Mly and Hushimo understand this completely, but us guys will know why this rant is just so necessary. This falls under the category of "things I not only despise, but can't figure out for the life of me why it is necessary". Like ice skates, for example. Yeah, let's slide around on a cold, slippery, hard surface with knives on our feet! Makeup is just like that. Let's go out and spend a ton of money on ink and pencils that are way more expensive than they ought to be and then spend hours and hours drawing with it on our faces and either end up looking like a clown at some horrific birthday party or get angry and scrap it all and try again! ...... WHAT. This is one of the things which just baffles me to the restaurant at the end of the universe. Why is this necessary? I often find myself trapped in corners when my sisters ask me how they look, because I often can't tell if they're wearing makeup or not, and if I can tell it's because they look hideous. And of course if I guess wrong, then I'm in for a world of trouble. Oftentimes, girls look exactly the same when they put on makeup versus when they don't. And as I said, if you can tell the difference, then it's because they've put on way too much. And then when they cry, eat, get rained on, sleep, poop, shower, cut the cheese, open a door, use glue, et cetera, it all gets smeared and they feel even worse about themselves than they did before. And all this is for the small price of $124.99! I suppose I don't like it mainly because I don't get it, it costs a crapton of money, and when it's all said and done they were better off without it. Derp.

This is Schnicky, signing off.

Woo Hoo! Nice work as always and yes I wanted you to do something that wastes time and wastes money its a ancient saying in british long time ago my dad told me when I was 7 years old.

Bravo, well done. I'm waiting for the counter-argument, I genuinely want to know the answer to this.

I wouldn't do a rant on it if there was an argument for it, lols. But I would be interested in someone trying to shoot me down.

Oh, oh, do a rant on people who hate things because everyone hates those things, they need to be told they're stupid.

Do a rant on stupid people? A rather broad topic don't you think?

Schnickelfritz wrote:Do a rant on stupid people? A rather broad topic don't you think?

Do a rant on junk food.

No, you missed the subtext, do a rant on people who hate things because everyone else hates said things.

So, bandwagoners?