1: I will not, under any circumstances, act unless my payment includes, on top of normal monetary payment, a small chunk of copper. It must be given to me up-front, and must be as close to pure copper as is readily possible to obtain. This "goodwill copper chunk" is only an old custom that I refuse to break; I am very wealthy in copper and have no real need for it, and as such its size may be "insultingly petty," but I won't mind so long as it is given for tradition's sake.
2: I must have a fridge stocked with caffeine free Mountain Dew, and a cabinet stocked with both pocky and tuna. I must also have a can opener to open the tuna cans, unless they have a tab that allows them to be opened by hand. Far more importantly than the above, however, I must have in my trailer, at all times, some practical amount of all of the following: sugar, copper dust, milk, pure orange juice with no pulp or additives whatsoever, and some manner of spider venom (Any will work).
3: I must be permitted to carry a loaded firearm and a bladed weapon, the make of both of my choice alone, wherever I please, though I will make allowances for either or both of the two being off my person for filming purposes. I must also be permitted to carry a certain small twig with six small marbles set in one end of it, at all times, or at the least have it in arm's reach, even if I'm completely nude and doing a sex scene.
4: I must be allowed to have in my trailer, in general, anything that is legal to have in my own home, and in particular, a Sega Genesis and SNES. I don't need to be provided these; I will, however, need to be allowed by any guard staff to bring them both in and out at my leisure. Additionally, the guard staff should not fret over, ask questions about, or attempt to confiscate any of the following items: "strange-looking" crystals (regardless of color or shape), an orange powder, or absolutely anything I have stored in a bottle.
5: I must be allowed to decorate both the exterior and of my trailer in general, and the door in particular, with any arcane symbols, signage, etc. that I desire, even if the effects these seals may invoke is not strictly legal. (E.g. killing anyone who tries to open my window and casting their soul into my wisp refinery environment.)
6: Building upon the above, I must be permitted to keep a wisp refinery environment in my trailer, in plain sight. Anyone who is reasonably likely to enter my trailer is to be told what this looks like, and to not, under any circumstances, touch it. They are to be informed that it looks like a rather large glass jar with a cap on it, with small bits of debris and sometimes sourceless lights swirling about in an endlessly looping breeze, with a small sourceless flame at the bottom-center. They are also to be told that, if they observe any anomalies that contradict this description in any way whatsoever, they are to inform me immediately either by cell phone call or face to face contact if I'm nearby. If I don't answer my cell phone, it is to be assumed that I have been critically injured and the severed link to me is why the environment has been altered. In such a case, 911 is to be called immediately, even if I am not yet found, citing the environment as proof that I am in need of emergency aid, surely of the medical nature.
Term addendum 6-1: Observations of what happens when the wisp refinery environment fails have shown that it needs to be re-linked to another master soul immediately if I am critically injured. To this end, anyone who discovers either that I am critically injured or that the environment is behaving strangely is to immediately call the following number: (852) 763-9994; and ask that a WRE repair specialty team of wizards be dispatched to the location as quickly as possible.
7: Finally, note that, despite my absent-minded tendency to do so, I am not allowed to wear any clothing that grants arcane power boosts for everyone's safety. This applies especially to wizard hats of the pointed variety, as they are most likely to draw eldritch abominations to me while I am wandering about the set and thereby endanger my fellow set staff. However, this applies to all arcane garments, as they all draw some eldritch attention.
Term addendum 7-1: I have a particular artifact. This artifact appears, to the eye of a normal human, as an amulet made of gold, hung on a thin chain of black links, with a large ruby-red gem set in it. Remember that I am a very absent-minded person; while I ask to be allowed to keep and carry this artifact, as I am entrusted with it for even greater safety concerns than it presents in my hands alone, it is of the utmost importance that I am not to wear this amulet in the vicinity of the set, and please do not let me forget that I am on Earth, whose magical aura is far more sensitive than my hardy home realm, and that said aura is incapable of adapting to the effects of this powerful artifact. Guards are to be authorized to use lethal force to get my attention if I am wearing this amulet.
Addendum 7-2: In accordance with the above, please call all of the following: the nearest military base, the wizard's tower, (852 number provided above.) and myself; if any of the following are observed: strange coloration (I.e. coloration that defies the human spectrum of visible light; please stop fretting over fall leaves.) of anything at all, especially plants and/or animals, including humans; atypical behavior of any local wildlife or coworkers, including myself; inexplicable, deep-purple, shimmering bubbles springing up from the ground and staying, refusing to break regardless of circumstance; bits of the sky falling and crashing onto the ground, leaving small craters; bits of the ground flying upward and smashing holes in the sky conversely to the aforementioned; and in general, anything that is not strictly defined as "physically possible."
Addendum 7-3: At the behest of the high council of wizards, this addendum to my contract has been heavily censored. Note, however, that if anyone on set observes what could be described as "advanced signs of the end of all that is" I regret that I am to be hunted down, stripped of my aforementioned amulet, and killed at all costs, as this would be the only possible way to save the omniverse at such a point. Observations of an alternate-reality "terminally corrupt Mly" show that if this happens, I am not, under any circumstances, to be spoken to, as this would allow a theoretical real-world "terminally corrupt Mly" to turn absolutely anyone, even the most powerful and willful of master wizards, into a thrall with his deceptive influence.
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