Corrupted Wishes

Granted, but it's Diet.

I wish I had a PS3.

Granted, but then it blew up shortly after you received it.

I wish for nothing.

Granted. It's all counterfeit.

I wish I had some batteries.

granted, but they're counterfit rings.

I wish for really good paradox statements.

granted, but no one remembers what that is.

I wish I could see the ultimate beyblade.

Granted, but I destroy it using my feet, telling you that even the lighting dragon is a worthless spinning top when the owner's AFK, probably taking his first bath ever.
I wish I wasn't Vicky.

granted, now your francis.

I wish I had a good sandwich.

Granted, but RED Heavy steals it from you.
I wish I wished double and became Tails, Master of Invincibility.

Granted, but you're still less impressive than Super Tails, who's already the least impressive transformation.

I wish I knew how to make wishes.

Granted, but they get corrupted.

I wish for the power.

Granted, but every time you use it you lose a vital organ.

I wish I had a winning lottery ticket.

Granted, but it came out of an donkey's butt and they won't accept it, and now your hand smells like crap.

I wish for a Swiss army knife.

Granted, but each tool is a Swiss Army knife and each tool of each of those Swiss Army knives is another Swiss Army knife to infinity.

I wish a could be whoever or whatever I choose.